Thursday, September 17, 2009
The Gospel in Action: The Test
D&C 88:58: And thus they all received the light of the countenance of their lord, every man in his hour, and in his time, and in his season . . .
The experience has been brought to my remembrance several times in the last week or two. Random conversations, starting out only as “small talk”, evolve into this one memory.
Back in my college days, I studied Mathematics and Art. I was intent on doubling my major, because I’m an overachiever; a running-faster-than-you-have-strength-type of woman.
Math was never a strength of mine. I can remember a time when I sat, in elementary school, learning long hand division.
Hiding my face, hovering low over my paper and crying tears I was too embarrassed to show, because it seemed to me that all of the other kids were brilliant, but not me. It wasn’t until high school Geometry, that something clicked. Something made sense, and I decided that I wanted to be a Math teacher.
That’s the overachiever part of me.
A few years later, I confidently started my degree in Math! To my shocking surprise, my junior year brought long, hard nights full of advanced calculus—proofs, theory, math . . . in words!
Once again, I hung my head low, after reading and rereading chapter upon chapter. I prayed, I cried, I read, I searched, I prayed, I cried, I doubted, I cried, and after a long several days of the same obnoxious cycle, I prayed and . . . I slept.
The night before a test and after a vicious aforementioned cycle, I had a dream.
All of the knowledge I had crammed into my imperfect brain, began to be reorganized to provide a clearer understanding. The one problem I was completely distraught over was literally written out on paper. Not by my hand, nor by a hand visible to my mortal eye, but by the Hand that could be directed by perfect knowledge and understanding. I watched, step by step, through hazy vision, the process come to light.
The next morning I awoke, in awe over the dream I had. I tried to write it on paper, but it wouldn’t come out so clearly. I walked to class, with another prayer in my heart, to have the ability to write my proofs with ease, for the dreaded test.
I sat down, read the questions, and in the very hour, when I needed the knowledge, the words and images came to mind. I knew exactly what to write, it was logical to me, and my hand scripted every last thought. I handed over my test, walked out of the room, knew it wasn’t perfect, but it was given to me, in the very hour that I needed, after my long effortful prayers of faith.
Looking back, that experience of foreign math concepts and theories is still mind boggling to me, but was just a primary lesson in trusting the Lord.
As times get harder, may we remember to put our trust in the Lord, and be blessed to see His hand directing us in all things. Even when there may never be a completely clear understanding, He will guide and comfort us through our Test. When we hand it over (our Test, or life) it may not be perfect, but it will have been guided by Him.