"Few topics are as emotionally charged or require more sensitivity than
same-sex attraction. This complex matter touches on the things we care
about most: our basic humanity, our relationship to family, our identity
and potential as children of God, how we treat each other, and what it
means to be disciples of Christ."
"As a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate,” Elder Cook
said. “Let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love,
compassion, and outreach. "
The following is my lesson given at our RS activity on 9/18/2012.
Aside from simplistic problems, no real progress or change happens
without conflict.
Introduction
This week was a hard week because I’ve had more conflict than usual. Or, maybe I just noticed it more because I’ve been preparing this lesson: A disagreement with my husband with required an apology, a conflict with a coworker resolved by a private talk with honest, non-accusatory sharing, and observing a conflict between a married couple requiring only a validating listening ear with no advice giving.
What kinds of conflict do we have in our lives?
Marriage: Money attitudes, info sharing or withholding, household duties/chores and level of effort, parenting differences, scheduling, having enough me-time to recharge, how differences are resolved.
Also these myths persist, “I never saw my parents argue,” “we should sleep on it,” “ you should never fight in front of the children,” “keep the peace at all costs”. These are myths in my mind...when two people live together they have differences. By the way, if you do fight in front of the children also show them how you resolve it. Sometimes a good night's sleep brings perspective. Keeping the peace at all costs means one of you is being repressed and backing down all the time.
Children/Family: Whining, tantrums, grocery store begging, cleaning/chores resistance, homework resistance, scheduling, practicing piano or sport. “But so-an-so’s mother lets her do this”, “I don’t want to go to church”, “I hate being with my family”.
Work: Backbiting, gossiping, undermining, taking credit for your work, salary, hours, work/life balance, differences of opinion
Ward: Someone doesn’t show up or follow through, a ward member’s child and your child conflict, parenting styles, a judging remark overheard, differences of opinion.
The point: There are as many conflicts as there are people. Some small, some large. Some silly, some very important. Look for patterns in your life. Keep reading for ideas about how to resolve.
Why do we avoid conflict, how do we avoid conflict?
Is just talking about this making your stomach tight, your breathing faster, your face red? Are you cringing, is your skin crawling, are you feeling angry or anxious or depressed?
We avoid conflict, because it just plain doesn’t feel good. We handle it by...
Passive aggressiveness or being sarcastic. “Gee, looks like garbage didn’t get put out today.”
Resentment build-up. “I don’t know why he keeps saying that over and over again.”
Coercion, bullying, threatening. “If you don’t do something about this I will.”
Bribing, promising. “If you’ll eat two more bites of vegetables, you can have a cookie.”
Hurt or get hurt. “This is your fault. You are the cause of all my unhappiness.”
It’s not good behavior. It’s not strengthening relationships. Sometimes we just don’t know what to do.
A word of caution: Avoiding conflict for a long time, using control and coercion, or playing the victim can lead to codependence—a pattern of unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. Don’t let conflict fester or go un-handled. Value yourself and your self-care.
There are healthier ways to handle conflict
A. Perspective. Look at it another way.
Quote from my reading this week: “Aside from simplistic problems (for which there is already a solution), no real progress or change happens without conflict.”
Do you believe it? Does that idea help you? When you have conflict, look for the growth and progress. Focus on that outcome.
Remember the connection between weakness, faith and hope. In Ether 12: 27 it says, 1 min. 27 And if men [and women] come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men [and women] weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all [women] that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
This gives us perspective. Have more faith and hope. Our weaknesses can be come strengths. Our loved ones weaknesses can become strengths.
Look for the underlying need. Usually there is something more underlying a conflict: pride, fear, sadness, desire for love, on your part or the other person. Stop and look for the underlying need.
Get a new perspective. Trust that you can resolve it, that healing can come, that the power of God can help make weaknesses become strengths. Look for the underlying cause.
B. Prayer. Get advice from an all-knowing, loving father.
Jeremiah 33:3 - “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”
D&C 6:36 - “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.”
Romans 8:28 - “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.”
Prayer is a powerful way to resolve conflict. Pray very specific prayers for a very specific moment. Then listen intently over hours or days or weeks.
Have you had an experience where prayer has helped you resolve a conflict?
C. Scripture study. Discover how Jesus and other prophets resolve conflict through scripture study. You can get your answers from the scriptures.
Let’s look at a 3 minute video of John 8:2-11 and see what we can learn.
Jesus was teaching in the temple. The Pharisees come to trap him. He has a crowd who now have an object lesson in front of them. A teaching moment. He has 3 audiences: followers learning from his example, adversaries seeking to trap him, and a sinner who has done wrong. What will he say?
Just as in other parables, we could put ourselves in all three places, such as the Prodigal son, the father, the brother; or Mary or Martha; or the good Samaritan, the injured man, the priest who passes by.
Put yourself in each place as you watch.
First, as Jesus
What did he do?
He assesses the people involved.
He listens.
He thinks about it, with patience, doesn’t rush.
Let the heat of the moment pass.
He chooses his words carefully.
He ends it with love and mercy.
Teaches a lesson on forgiveness, judging.
Stooping, writing...why?
Calmed himself
Choose his words
Listen to the spirit
Let His AND their emotions dissipate
Not just to aggravate
“Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”
He sought teaching words of wisdom.
Can we seek for words of wisdom that shed light on a truth?
Does not mean that only people wholly without sin can impose penalties.
Does mean that these men were actually or in their hearts guilty of the same offense. And Jesus knew it.
Apply: Handle tattling, gossiping, judging. Could apply to accusers when we know they are guilty too.
Now the Pharisees
What can we learn from them? What do we know about them? How were they trying to trap Him? To tempt Him?
They wanted prove their authority and power, their worthiness, to establish themselves
They wanted to discredit Jesus and his proclaimed origin.
They wanted to see if he would uphold the accepted Law of Moses or contradict. The Law of Moses penalty of stoning was no longer in effect. Roman rule had ended that. Adultery was common in that time. If Jesus agreed, he would arouse ire in the people and run counter to Roman civil law. If he disagreed he would be accused of perverting the law, disrespecting past practices and favoring her crime.
They wanted to accuse him of taking on himself the power over life or death.
Why would they want her death?
Adultery is one of the worst sins you could commit as a Jew. The penalty was death. But they didn’t care about her, only about being right. Do we sometimes want the worst for our opponent? Why?
“Let him who is without sin [the same kind of sin] cast the first stone.”
Are there any of us who don’t sin? What about when we are truly wronged? Why do these discussions always come back to us?
We can’t control another, nor should we.
We can’t change another. We can only change ourselves.
We don’t want to be judged as harshly as we judge. Let’s watch our judgements.
Let our judgements be just.
We don’t want to be found casting stones.
(Casting a stone...footnote to Gossip in the topical guide.)
Why did they withdraw? Convicted of their own conscience… we know better don’t we? Do we listen to it? In conflict we think we are wronged and we are owed and we are right. Pride.
Apply: Stop to evaluate our own behavior, our part in it, our underlying motives.
Last, the woman
What do we know about her?
Caught in the very act...were they lying in wait, perhaps involved themselves?
Where is the man who was with her? Is that important in the story?
Why would Jesus ask her “hath no man condemned thee” when he could see they had left?
Neither do I condemn thee...did He forgive her or not?
Not pardoning or condoning. He merely declines to act as Judge in a case that should go before officials.
I do not condemn thee...to death.
He does admonish her to repentance.
He showed mercy even though she was caught and a punishment affixed.
He was teaching a new way.
He gave her space and instruction to change her life.
In the Joseph Smith Translation it implies that she sought repentance, “And the woman glorified God from that hour, and believed on his name.” Her life was changed.
Apply: When we are caught in sin, do we not hope for Him to see past the stain of our sin, to give us hope that all is not lost, to warm us with his light and guide us back to confidence and righteousness?
The point:
This situation won’t apply to every conflict. But it’s an example of how the scriptures can help us in our real everyday lives.
Ask yourself questions as you read the scriptures and you will find answers to everyday problems and conflicts.
What we just did was what I call "scripture capturing". Take a scripture or story. Write it down, ask yourselves questions and answer them. Put yourself or your name in the scripture. Insight will come and you will have made it your own, “captured” it.
For more insights and study read the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5.
One of the main purposes of this life is to learn to love—God, ourselves and others. Think of the first two commandments, thou shalt love the Lord thy God, and thy neighbor as thyself.
He wants us to learn to love unconditionally as He does. For his love never fails.
How do we do that?
Jeffrey R. Holland tells us in this video, with “Care and sensitivity. Think the best of each other. Especially of those you say you love. Assume the good, and doubt the bad.”
Let's resolve to handle conflict resolution sooner than later and with love.
"The measurement of the result of what love and charity may bring into the world is impossible. Opportunity is offered in every branch and ward and mission field to go about
radiating sunshine
developing happiness and lifting up those who are discouraged, and bringing joy and comfort to those who are in distress." --President George Albert Smith
The exact phrase "Love thy neighbor as thyself" appears in the scriptures 8 times. How quickly can you find one of the references? Our Relief Society presidency was pretty quick -- both Devon and Margie found D&C 59:6 in a very short time!
President Smith had a goal to love all his neighbors -- throughout the entire world.
“I do not have an enemy that I know of, and there is no one in the world that I have any enmity towards. All men and all women are my Father’s children, and I have sought during my life to observe the wise direction of the Redeemer of mankind—to love my neighbor as myself. … You will never know how much I love you. I have not words to express it. And I want to feel that way toward every son and every daughter of my Heavenly Father."
Here is a story that perfectly illustrates this goal:
“On a cold winter morning, the street cleaning crew [in Salt Lake City] was removing large chunks of ice from the street gutters. The regular crew was assisted by temporary laborers who desperately needed the work. One such wore only a lightweight sweater and was suffering from the cold. A slender man with a well-groomed beard stopped by the crew and asked the worker, ‘You need more than that sweater on a morning like this. Where is your coat?’ The man replied that he had no coat to wear. The visitor then removed his own overcoat, handed it to the man and said, ‘This coat is yours. It is heavy wool and will keep you warm. I just work across the street.’ The street was South Temple. The good Samaritan who walked into the Church Administration Building to his daily work and without his coat was President George Albert Smith of The Church ofJesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His selfless act of generosity revealed his tender heart. Surely he was his brother’s keeper." (President Thomas S. Monson)
Throughout the lesson, President Smith used many action words to describe how to love. He encouraged us to evidence our love by our conduct, by our gentleness, by our faith, by our charity, by imparting of our substance, by saying a kind word, by teaching the truth, by our visits, by disseminating our light, by lifting others up, by bringing joy and comfort.
President Smith also taught that loving others helps us feel good as well. He used words like happiness, enriched, peace and warmth when describing how we will be blessed.
"I have only good will in my heart for mankind. I haven’t any animosity in my heart toward any living human being. I know some that I wish would behave themselves a little better than they do, but that is their loss, not mine. If I can get my arm around them and help them back on the highway of happiness by teaching them the gospel of Jesus Christ, my happiness will be increased thereby. … You cannot drive people to do things which are right, but you can love them into doing them, if your example is of such a character that they can see you mean what you say."
President George Albert Smith
May we be inspired to love all of God's children and serve them as we can.
Latter-day Saint teens are counseled to stay sexually pure, but what exactly are the limits? Using teachings of modern prophets, this presentation shows why that's the wrong question to ask, as well as how we can find happiness and peace through staying chaste.
This past Sunday Owenna shared a couple of wonderful, thought-provoking quotes as comments to the Relief Society & Sunday School lessons, and I've asked her to send them to us all for the blog. They really made me think and ponder, as some of the best quotes are known to do! Here they are in Owenna's own words:
I e-mailed my sister (Kathleen Bahr; retired BYU prof) to ask for her exact words. She told me I was actually quoting her paraphrase of Kiekegaard. Since I like hers better, I've included it as well as the original. I am grateful that these quotes that I have repeated to myself so often might be of help to someone else as well -- even though over time I have managed to garble them from the original.
"To the Christian, love is the works of love. To say that love is a feeling or anything of the kind is really an un-Christian conception of love. That is the aesthetic definition and therefore fits the erotic and everything of that nature. But to the Christian, love is the works of love. Christ's love was not an inner feeling, a full heart and what-not: it was the work of love which was his life." —Søren Kierkegaard on Christianity
Owenna's version of Kathleen's version of Kierkegaard:
"When Christ commanded us to love one another, I do not believe he was commanding our emotions, because they cannot, in fact, be commanded. I believe he was commanding our behavior. Love is an action verb. He was commanding us to behave in loving ways toward each other, even when love, as an emotion, is weak or absent."
Gale, visiting our RS from Kansas, also asked for the definition of faith that I attributed to Elder Gene R. Cook in SS. Well, I was wrong again - with my memory it is a wonder that I remembered the quote at all. It is properly attributed to Elder Stephen Nadault (Ensign, Dec. 95), not Elder Cook.
Elder Nadault pointed out that "when Joseph Smith re-translated parts of the Bible, he changed the word "substance" to "assurance," the way it is in Greek. So we could re-word the scripture to read 'Faith is having or accepting an assurance of things hoped for, and accepting evidence of things not seen.'"
When I read this years ago, it really turned on a light for me. My own paraphrase is: "Faith is a willingness to accept the assurances our Heavenly Father has given us as being sufficient." Owenna
Thanks Owenna for these great morsels to savor and ponder. We can always use more oil to put in our spiritual lamps!
If you are a wife or mother of someone who is struggling with addiction to pornography, there is help here for you too...spouses, parents.
Support group
We have an Addiction Recovery Program in our area, provided by the Church and based on gospel principles. It is confidential and is meant for those with addictions, those affected by addictions, and support people. Everyone is at a different step of recovery so there is a lot of love and understanding.
It's every Sunday at 7:30 pm at the Stake Center. I go down every week and would be glad to pick you up. Call me.
The Savior taught His disciples, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.”
I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives.
Often we live side by side but do not communicate heart to heart....
I am confident it is the intention of each member of the Church to serve and to help those in need. At baptism we covenanted to “bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light.”
How many times has your heart been touched as you have witnessed the need of another?
How often have you intended to be the one to help?
And yet how often has day-to-day living interfered and you’ve left it for others to help, feeling that “oh, surely someone will take care of that need.”
We become so caught up in the busyness of our lives.
Were we to step back, however, and take a good look at what we’re doing, we may find that we have immersed ourselves in the “thick of thin things.”
In other words, too often we spend most of our time taking care of the things which do not really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things, neglecting those more important causes.
Many years ago I heard a poem which has stayed with me, by which I have tried to guide my life. It’s one of my favorites:
I have wept in the night For the shortness of sight That to somebody’s need made me blind; But I never have yet Felt a tinge of regret For being a little too kind.
It is never wrong to be kind and Charity reminded us of all the kindnesses she has seen in the ward:
Fast offerings
Fasting for others
Praying for others
Clothing donations
Phone calls
Smiling
Face time
Listening
Temple work
Moving help
Yard work
Painting parties
Rides to and from church
Babysitting
Lunch dates
Nice notes or e-mails
Letters to missionaries
Service activities
Meals for sisters and families
Keep up the good work, sisters!
And, don't forget to ask yourself and your family every day “What did you do for someone today?”
As Margie reminded us last week, this is what our prophet has asked us to do.
e
PS - My favorite line when Charity was describing that our kindnesses may not be returned...“It's not going to rain hot cookies at your house or anything.”
valued and loved regardless of their circumstances.
Bonnie D. Parkin, Spring 2003
We had a fun time on Sunday during Relief Society having all of the sisters join us from Primary and Young Women, and we missed any of you that weren’t there! We hope you can make it next time. We talked about how we are all unique and different sisters, and that we are each a vital part of our Relief Society and to one another. We love and need you each of you!
Needed, included, valued and loved
Our focus of this year for our Valley Forge 1st Ward Relief Society is love, friendship and unity. Our heart’s desire is that every sister indeed feel needed, included, valued and loved.
The best way we know to do this is to serve cake and allow time for chit-chat...um, wait...yes that too, but really it's through our activities and visiting teaching.
Devon quoted Sister Beck, “Visiting teaching becomes the Lord’s work when our focus is on people rather than percentages. In reality, visiting teaching is never finished. It is more a way of life than a task” (Julie B. Beck, “Relief Society: A Sacred Work,” Ensign, Nov. 2009, 114).
Teaching and ministering
Visiting teaching is made up of 2 parts: Teaching and ministering. The teaching part can be checked off as “done” for the month but ministering is on-going through the month. As partners, seek inspiration on how to work together for the good of your sisters. Sometimes you will visit separately, sometimes send a note, make a call or text to stay in touch. Think often of your sisters and pray every day for them.
When you report to your supervisor, please tell them a little about how your sisters are doing. Keep confidences, but do let us know more so we can help one another.
A circle of sisters
President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, has called each ward Relief Society a “circle of sisters.”
Each sister, no matter where in that circle she stands, can look to either side and feel the spirit of inspiration coming back as she extends the gentle hand of charity to those on either side. …
…You will serve your organization, your cause—the Relief Society—this great circle of sisters. Your every need shall be fulfilled, now, and in the eternities; every neglect will be erased; every abuse will be corrected. All of this can come to you, and come quickly, when you devote yourself to Relief Society.
Sister Beck has said, “It has been my experience that each ward Relief Society has the capacity to give to one another the support that is needed. ...If we seek and receive the help of the Holy Ghost, all answers can be found in each circle of sisters.
Sisters, please join hands with those around you so that we may all feel included, valued and loved.
Thanks for the words of instruction and love, Devon.
The last two things that followers need from their leaders is stability and hope. [Read part 1 and part 2 first.]
Stability
Providing a solid foundation, being someone others can count on in a time of need, provides followers with security, strength, support and peace. Let your core values be stable, to buffer for times of change.
Hooray for righteous fathers and husbands who give stability to our homes, good teachers who give our children constant support and encouragement, and great women like you who do what is right consistently in your lives.
Nothing creates stability like transparency or being open about where we are going and how we are doing. This applies in all types of organizations. Families who know a little of the family budget can help support financial decisions, vacation choices, and purchases large and small. Couples who talk openly and often about goals near and far, and even hopes and dreams will strengthen their marriage. Wards who pull together to support and help one another create a stabilizing unity.
Studying the scriptures daily, praying and holding family home evening and counsels give stability to our lives and our families. These small simple practices add up of the years and make us strong for times of adversity.
Sharing our lives with each other as sisters will strengthen and stabilize each of us. And we know that happens in Relief Society meetings, and visiting teaching and in service to one another.
Sister Beck as the leader of our Relief Society just reiterated:
This society has at its very core the responsibility to help sisters increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help others who are in need. Through Relief Society, sisters can receive answers to their questions and be blessed by the combined spiritual power of all the sisters. Relief Society validates the true and eternal nature of daughters of God. It is a sacred trust, a guiding light, and a system of watchcare that teaches and inspires women to be strong and immovable. Its motto, “Charity never faileth,” is embodied in all good women. April Conference link
And never failing is about as stable as you can get!
Hope
We want stability in the moment and hope in the future. Direction, faith and guidance too.
We find that in the doctrines of the gospel, in the words of our prophets, and in our experiences with the Spirit.
We can provide that for those who follow us, especially our families. In this world of chaos and complexity we need to share our testimonies with family and others as we have just been counseled to do. We need to initiate good things in our lives and families and not just react to immediate needs.
President Uchtdorf’s talks always speak of hope and something else closely related...
May we ever remember the lesson of Kirtland and hold on a little longer—even when things look bleak. Know and remember this: the Lord loves you. He remembers you. And He will ever sustain those who “endure in faith to the end”. January 2010
and this...
Love is what inspired our Heavenly Father to create our spirits; it is what led our Savior to the Garden of Gethsemane to make Himself a ransom for our sins. Love is the grand motive of the plan of salvation; it is the source of happiness, the ever-renewing spring of healing, the precious fountain of hope.
As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit. April 2010
and once again...
Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk. October 2009
Hope is directly tied to love, the Lord’s for us, as our ultimate leader, and ours for those who follow us. And that brings us back to the first attribute in what followers want, compassion. It is the most direct way we can be like our Savior.
Sisters, think about your leadership qualities, about those who follow you either in the home, extended family, at school or in the workplace.
Strive to the kind that builds the trust, compassion, stability and hope in others lives.
In a previous post, I introduced the idea that followers expect four things from their leaders: Trust, Compassion, Stability, and Hope. [Read part 1 first, then part 3.]
Let’s look at the first two.
Trust
Trust is the foundation of leadership. It means honesty, integrity and respect. Lasting friendships, loving marriages, smooth collaboration with coworkers, successful businesses, are all built on trust.
How do you convince a person of your honesty? They just know. Over time others see your behavior and know they can depend on you.
Another key to building trust is being authentic or real, even if that means letting those around you see your flaws. Didn’t you love the few personal words President Monson had to say about his wife during conference. Don’t you cringe at the phoniness of most politicians as they try to create a false trust. Don’t you cherish those who see you for what you are and love you anyway.
Compassion
We all know what this is...caring, friendship, and love. Caring and compassion have such an impact on the lives of those around. When others care about us we are more likely to be more productive, stay with an organization, and reflect that caring to others.
Visiting teaching is where we do this best. Be there for your sisters. Devon Linn would love to visit everyone in the ward and take dinner and lift everyone. She can’t, of course. But you can. Be a leader in this special calling.
President Monson sums it up, “ Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”
In our family-oriented church being single can be a challenge. At least one-third of adult Church members are single.
Here are several articles that may help you or a loved one:
Christopher P. Halloran, who was single until he married at age 49:
Finding a compatible spouse is a little miracle and miracles, by definition are beyond our capacity to effect. Have faith, try to behave well, then relax and be open to the miracle.
And remember, too, that the odds are in your favor. p. 30
Throughout our lives, we face...significant confidence tests.
...These are not so much tests of confidence in oneself but of confidence in what we receive by the Spirit of God. Prophet after prophet has counseled us to remember what we know—to maintain confidence in the Lord.
As he attempted to rekindle faith in his people, Jacob repeatedly declared unto them, “I know that ye know” (2 Nephi 9:4, 5).
Paul was even more direct: “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward” (Hebrews 10:35).
Each of us faces an uncertain future. But when we face it, remembering what we already know, we face it with faith. We face it with good cheer. We face it with confidence.
Please remember that we have all been single, are now single, or at some time may again be single; so being single in the Church is not extraordinary.
...Although many single adult members are well-adjusted to life and its problems, they still need loving attention from the Church and its members to reaffirm their usefulness and the love that God has for each of them.
...What can we do as individuals to reach out to singles? One way is to make an effort to be more inclusive. When we see someone sitting by him or herself in a Church meeting, we can either go and sit with him or her or invite him or her to sit with us. We can all offer the hand of friendship.
...my advice to those of you who are single is to pray often because our Heavenly Father, who knows you best of all, knows your talents and strengths as well as your weaknesses. He has placed you here on the earth at this time to develop and refine these characteristics. I promise you He will help you. He is aware of your needs, and by and by those promised blessings of companionship will come to you.
Apryl Martin is taking donations for our fellow saints in the Philadelphia wards. Each month we post the needed items...
March – Children’s clothes, all sizes, boys and girls, all seasons
Drop your donations at Apryl’s house, 27 Wartman Road, Collegeville, or bring them to church and we’ll get them to her.
A wonderful woman, an immigrant from Liberia, who lives in Philadelphia and is a member of the Philly First Ward, was the target of an armed robbery this last week. She is beat up badly, but alive. However, the men were armed and they cleared her apartment of all valuables even including her clothing and blankets/bedding--even one of the beds.
We are looking to help her get her emergency needs met. If you have any of the following, please let me know and we will arrange a way to pick it up and deliver it to the city:
- BLANKETS, blankets, blankets
- a mattress, any size
- clothing, women's, all kinds. She is about a size 8-10/medium
- a cooking surface, such as a plug-in electrical burner, or even a tiny gas grill/stove she could use right outside
Thank you, all of you, for your willingness to help.
Call me with questions: 610.213.5542
...see that they are more diligent
and concerned at home...
#1 Express Love—and Show It
We can begin to become more diligent and concerned at home by telling the people we love that we love them. Such expressions do not need to be flowery or lengthy. We simply should sincerely and frequently express love....
As disciples of the Savior, we are not merely striving to know more; rather, we need to consistently do more of what we know is right and become better.
We should remember that saying “I love you” is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love.
What are some ways you tell your family you love them or have seen others do? Here were your ideas.
- Holding hands, hugging
- Saying “I love you” at the end of every phone call
- Little things, like just being together
- Understanding that “showing” is different for different people, and respecting that
- Not keeping score, either
Feeling the security and constancy of love from a spouse, a parent, or a child is a rich blessing. Such love nurtures and sustains faith in God. Such love is a source of strength and casts out fear (see 1 John 4:18). Such love is the desire of every human soul.
#2 Bear Testimony—and Live It
We also can become more diligent and concerned at home by bearing testimony to those whom we love about the things we know to be true by the witness of the Holy Ghost. The bearing of testimony need not be lengthy or eloquent. And we do not need to wait until the first Sunday of the month to declare our witness of things that are true. Within the walls of our own homes, we can and should bear pure testimony of the divinity and reality of the Father and the Son, of the great plan of happiness, and of the Restoration.
As disciples of the Savior, we are not merely striving to know more; rather, we need to consistently do more of what we know is right and become better.
We should remember that bearing a heartfelt testimony is only a beginning. We need to bear testimony, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to live it. We need to both declare and live our testimonies.
What are some ways you bear your testimony to your family? Here were your ideas.
- Making it less formal in language
- Listen to the Spirit, let Him tell you how
- Let it be awkward, but do it anyway
- She with each other what you've learned that day in scripture study
- When gospel topics or truths come up say, “I know that’s true”
#3 Be Consistent
In my office is a beautiful painting of a wheat field. The painting is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes—none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of yellow and gold and brown paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produce a magnificent landscape of a wheat field. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting.
Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf also gives us this encouragement:
May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you.
But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others.
Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, our Savior, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones.
The virtue of your own personal life will be a light to those who sit in darkness, and it will be because you are a living witness of the fulness of the restored gospel. Wherever you have been planted on this beautiful but often troubled earth of ours, you can be the one to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees” (D&C 81:5).
Ever get too focused on “checking off” visiting teaching on your to do list?
In this Church News article Visiting teaching is a ‘way of life’ we are reminded “partners should work together, focus on people and not percentages”.
General Relief Society President, Julie Beck says:
Visiting teaching is one of the best ways we can fulfill our lifelong responsibilities to increase our faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes and seek out and help those in need.
The leadership skills you need—to be a minister and to be a teacher, those are both Christlike skills. They are leadership abilities the Savior had. He was always a teacher. He was always a minister.
In essence, visiting teachers have those two major responsibilities: to teach and to minister. Most women in the Church understand the teaching part. Visiting a sister with a lesson each month is the teaching, but it is not always ministering.
Sometimes, instead of a visit, a sister needs an extra meal or someone to take her children for an hour. Sometimes a sister needs a flower, a note or a phone call or an invitation to go to a social event. Sometimes a sister needs somebody just knowing her family has the flu.
Visiting teaching is often hard because it is not showy. In visiting teaching the best work you do no one knows about. You get points only in heaven.
Sisters, this is between you and the Lord. He is not here, so you take care of the sisters for Him.
Let’s be more thoughtful and inspired this year in how we minister to each other. Visiting teachers need to work together to find inspired ways to watch over their sisters.
President Kimball said, "The Lord does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other.
Service to others deepens and sweetens this life while we are preparing to live in a better world. It is by serving that we learn to serve. When we are engaged in the service of our fellowmen, not only do our deeds assist them, but we put our own problems in a fresher perspective. When we concern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves! In the midst of the miracle of serving, there is the promise of Jesus that by losing ourselves, we find ourselves! "
Service
What do you think of when you hear the word service?
Unselfishness
Kindness
Giving
Sacrifice
Charity
Joy
Blessing
Time crunch
Challenge
Prayer
LOVE!
Family and Church Service
Nancy reminded us that our service to God begins with our families.
How can you better serve your family?
By being patient, helping them learn, but not doing everything for them. Letting them grow in a safe place where they can make mistakes.
Be open with your love and tell your spouse and children often and in public that you love them. We just had a great conference talk on this by Elder Bednar.
How can we better serve in the church?
By supporting others in their callings, coming to activities, doing our calling, being dependable, serving missions, inviting others to hear the gospel message.
Sometimes difficult?
Serving someone we don't love can change our hearts and theirs.
Several class members told stories of this kind of service: a coworker who was rude and offensive and was able to be tolerated after many prayers for a change of heart; another coworker with different political views, always clashing with a sister, finally softened after she found a way to help him with his language skills; children who gave up a couple of Christmas gifts to a family down the street and will never forget that Christmas.
Conclusion
Nancy praised the sisters of our ward for all their good works and deeds of kindness. [Yes, you are wonderful! Thanks for all you do.]
President Kimball again: "May we ponder carefully, deeply, and prayerfully our roles in life, where we can give the greatest service, to whom we can make the greatest contribution, what we should do with our lives and with our special skills and training. Our success will be measured by what we can give of our lives and our contribution to others rather than what we can get and receive from others."
Do you have a story to tell about service? Let us know by leaving a comment.
