Lesson: When loved ones let go of "the iron rod"

 

Devon taught a good lesson on what we do when others don't accept our invitation to come to Christ, are numbered among the lost sheep or let go of the iron rod. Whatever metaphor makes sense to you for your situation, these ideas may help.

Devon's young son shared what he learned in Primary recently and the conversation went something like this.

He showed her a picture of a sheep.

When she asked what it meant he said, "We are all sheep!"

"And what happened to the sheep?"

"They were lost."

"Who is the shepherd?"

"Jesus"

"And what will he do?"

"He will find us!"

And He will! But we are asked to help "feed my sheep".

Mists of darkness

In another familiar story we feel with Lehi in his dream of the Tree of Life the heartache of seeing a family member get lost in the mists of darkness or let go the iron rod that leads to the fruit or love of God, that is "precious above all".
 
What are the mists of darkness generally? Nephi tells us in 1 Nephi 12:17,

And the mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil, which blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men, and leadeth them away into broad roads, that they perish and are lost.

What are some "mists of darkness" in our day?

Philosophies of men, anti-mormon information especially on the internet, hurt feelings, hang-ups, doubts and unanswered questions, mental illness, time/schedules, just drifting away, abuse, crime, drugs, TV, pornography, social media, music, feelings of inadequacies, guilt, insecurities, individual personalities.

It's quite a range of distractions and out-and-out evil that we and our loved ones can choose.

The point is we don't need to judge. We often don't know what is going on in someone's life that causes or effects the decisions they make.

What should we do instead? Just love them.

What we can do

Elder Holland in a talk titled "Because She Is a Mother" encourages us as parents of wayward children:

President Joseph F. Smith pled, “Oh! God, let me not lose my own.” ⁸ That is every parent’s cry, and in it is something of every parent’s fear. But no one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. You have every right to receive encouragement and to know in the end your children will call your name blessed, just like those generations of foremothers before you who hoped your same hopes and felt your same fears.

What do you do, or have seen others do when worry or grief for our friends and family overcome us? What can we do to help ourselves and them?

• Respect their agency
• Turn to God, turn them over to Him
• Remember that they were God's before they were ours and He knows them best
• Show unconditional love
• Resist judging
• Absolve ourselves of guilt
• Take care of yourselves first
• Never give up hope
• Understand that temple covenants and promises will be fulfilled
• Bear testimony in unconventional ways
• Know that it's okay to grieve
• Remember that the atonement can heal you and them

We also need to trust that the Good Shepherd knows his sheep. And He will find them.

John K. Carmack in an excellent conference talk titled When Our Children Go Astray seeks to comfort and gives very practical steps we can take. [Well worth reading again!]. He reminds us:

In 1929 Elder Orson F. Whitney of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: 

“You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don’t give them up. Don’t cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours—long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fulness of knowledge brings the fulness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1929, 110).

Don't give up. Don't cast them off
Heavenly Father is far more merciful...and mightier to save than we.

So yes, Maddox, He will find us, all of us!

e

Peace is...

Secure your own mask

There's an object lesson in every flight you take.

After rushing to the airport, checking bags, getting boarding pass, making your way through security and finally boarding the plane, you're settled in your seat with your personal item stowed under the seat in front of you. The flight attendant stands and demonstrates how to use the oxygen mask if the cabin loses pressure in an emergency.

The recorded voice says, "Please secure your own mask before helping another."

We'd do well to apply this in our own lives.

As mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, friends, and visiting teachers we want to be busy helping others. It's part of our religion, baked into each lesson and talk...serve one another, if you love me keep my commandments, charity never faileth and so one. And it's a good thing.

But every day we should secure our own mask, taking in the things that feed our own souls, that strengthen our spirits, that build our own reserves, that make it possible to give and love and serve one another.

This is not selfish, it's self-care.

The commandment is to love our neighbor as ourselves. Meaning we have to love and care for ourselves first before we are able to care for others.

The admonition to secure our own masks is even more important when "emergencies" come in our own lives. To have in place the habits of prayer, fasting, turning to the scriptures for answers and comfort, and relying on the atonement of Jesus Christ prepares us for those hard times, and it allows us to know how best to help others.

To take the metaphor a bit further, we can't breathe in the oxygen for another. Everyone needs their own mask, their own supply of hope and faith and healing.

That is found in Jesus Christ, His atonement and His gospel.

We can and should encourage all to come to Christ and find what they need.

This promise is to us all in our own hard times:

It is Jesus Christ who gave us breath and will hold our hand and keep us (Isaiah 42: 5-6).

It is He who is aware of our most difficult trials and is our greatest safety and hope (Cook, 'Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard Time')

Let us secure our own masks before helping others. Let us remember who gives us breath and will hold our hand and keep us. Let us encourage others to secure their own masks.

Ellen

Photo credit: Craig Damlo

Lesson: Mental Health and the Gospel

Devon gave a great 5th-Sunday combined RS/PH lesson. Here are the notes from her lesson. I didn't edit much, so you'll get the full lesson and MORE. Please discuss this important topic with your family and friends. e


Mental Health: Finding Understanding and Hope

Alison Cooke has been to see her bishop at least ten times in the past two years. She has served a mission and is now Relief Society president in her university singles ward. But somehow she can’t overcome an agonizing feeling deep in her heart that the Lord doesn’t really love her, and it is interfering in her desire to accept dates and even imagine thinking about marriage someday.

Life seems to be getting too fast and too complex for Bill Oatley. He has a calling in the Elder's quorum, a business of his own, a growing family, and a marriage that could use some attention. Each morning he carefully marks his planning calendar. But each night he lies in bed with a racing mind, a churning stomach, and the uncomfortable feeling that he isn’t quite making it, and he doesn’t know how long he can keep up before he just can’t do it anymore.

When Marion Caulfield’s children were small, she felt fulfilled as a wife and mother. But now her oldest son has postponed his mission indefinitely. And her oldest daughter is getting more and more involved with a nonmember boyfriend. Heartsick, Marion alternately blames herself and lashes out at her children. She grieves over their choices and fears what the future may bring.

These are fictional examples, but they represent the many members of the church who are suffering from types of mental illness.

When we say Mental Health or Mental Illness, what exactly are we talking about?

Anxiety Disorders (OCD, PTSD), Mood Disorders (Clinical Depression, Mania), Psychotic Disorders (Schizephrenia, Phobias/Disorders, etc……we all have moments when we’re not feeling very mentally healthy, but mental illness is when these things inhibit a person’s ability to cope and function normally, and it generally persists for longer than just “having a bad day.”

Depression: Everyone feels blue from time to time but when feelings of sadness, hopelessness and even thoughts of death cloud your daily life it's not the blues—it's clinical depression. An estimated 14.8 million Americans ages 18 and older suffer from major depression, a mood disorder that when left untreated can be chronic, recurrent and disabling.

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that we all experience. But when panic and anxiety symptoms escalate into anxiety attacks and panic attacks, it may be an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders include generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and panic disorder. There is excellent treatment for anxiety attacks, as well as panic attack symptoms, including medication and psychotherapy.

Chronic stress may boost anxiety. There can be effects of constant stress on hormones—that can lead to anxiety disorder. Many factors can cause anxiety, including mental conditions as well as external factors like personal finances or marital problems.

Prevelence

According to the National Institute of Mental Health approximately 26.2 percent of American adults will have a psychiatric disorder that is severe enough to be diagnosed.

How many people in our ward are suffering from some form of mental illness? One? Two? None? Chances are good that your estimate is too low. Many of us don’t realize how widespread mental illness is, partly because it shows few physical signs.

“Victims of mental illness, for the most part, look normal,” explains the mother of a young woman who has been in and out of hospitals with depression. “They don’t limp or stutter. The scars are on the inside.” But many victims feel pain and confusion so great that life is almost unbearable. And family members of the victim often suffer grief and isolation as they struggle to understand the nature of their loved one’s illness and search for ways to help. (Mental Illness: In Search of Understanding and Hope, Jan Underwood Pinborough, Ensign, Sept 1990)

WHY are we talking about this at church?  

Because we have made covenants to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and frankly, members of our wards and families need us to comfort them and understand them. They don’t need us to judge, belittle, or ignore cries for help.  

If the Savior were here, I believe he would be helping heal a lot of the mental illnesses that we suffer from, not just the solely physical ones. And possibly that healing would occur simply by listening to someone and praying for them with all our hearts. 

If you don’t know of someone that you can actively help, then simply try to educate yourself a little better about some of the things we’ll be talking about today so that when the time comes that you are asked to home or visit teach someone who is currently suffering, that you will be prepared to really give effective assistance! This really does affect all of us, and if you haven’t realized that it’s because you may not have been paying attention. 

Increasing our understanding of mental illness helps us reach out with love and compassion to those who are suffering.

Myths and misconceptions

Myths and misconceptions about mental illness unfortunately are found among Latter-day Saints just as they are in the general public. These harmful attitudes include the following (Myths about Mental Illness, Elder Alexander B. Morrison, Ensign, April 2005)

Myth #1. All mental illness is caused by sin.

Make no mistake about it—sin, the deliberate breaking of God’s commandments, does indeed result in behavior that is hurtful to self and to others. And for every transgression there must be a consequence or punishment. The demands of justice are inexorable, unless the person concerned invokes the power of the mercy provided by Christ’s Atonement by repenting of the sin and recognizing Christ as his Savior.

The power of sin to harrow up the soul is vividly exemplified by the words of repentant Alma:

I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins. … I was tormented with the pains of hell. … The very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror. Oh, thought I, that I could be banished and become extinct both soul and body (Alma 36:12–15).

Those who, like Alma, experience sorrow during the repentance process are not mentally ill.

If their sins are serious, they do require confession and counseling at the hands of their bishop. As part of his calling, each bishop receives special powers of discernment and wisdom. No mental health professional, regardless of his or her skill, can ever replace the role of a faithful bishop as he is guided by the Holy Ghost in assisting Church members to work through the pain, remorse, and depression associated with sin.

That being said, however, it must be emphasized that in many instances aberrant thoughts, actions, and feelings result from mental illness and not from sin. They come from disease, not transgression. They are not God’s way of punishing the sinner. To assume they are is not only overly simplistic but also contrary to the teachings of the Church.

The truth is that many faithful Latter-day Saints who live the commandments and honor their covenants experience struggles with mental illness or are required to deal with the intense pain and suffering of morally righteous but mentally ill family members. Their burdens—and they are many—can be lifted only by love, understanding, and acceptance.

Myth #2. Someone is to blame for mental illness.

It is a common human tendency to blame others or oneself for whatever goes wrong in life. Many victims of mental illness wear themselves out emotionally by futile attempts to remember something they, their parents, or someone else might have done that resulted in their suffering. Some blame their problem on demonic possession. While there is no doubt that such has occurred, let us take care not to give the devil credit for everything that goes awry in the world! Generally speaking, the mentally ill do not need exorcism; they require treatment from skilled health-care providers and love, care, and support from everyone else.

Most often, victims blame themselves. Many seem unable to rid themselves of terrible though undefined feelings that somehow, some way, they are the cause of their own pain—even when they are not. Parents, spouses, or other family members also often harrow up their minds trying futilely to determine where they went wrong. They pray over and over again for forgiveness when there is no evidence that they have anything of note to be forgiven of. Of course, in the vast majority of instances none of this works, for the simple reason that the victim’s thoughts and behavior result from disease processes which are not caused by the actions of others, including God.

Ascribing blame for mental illness causes unnecessary suffering for all concerned and takes time and energy which would better be used to increase understanding of what actually is happening—to get a complete assessment and proper diagnosis of the illness involved, to understand the causes, to get proper medication and learn behavioral and cognitive techniques that are part of the healing process. As victims, loved ones, and all the rest of us increase our understanding, then patience, forgiveness, and empathy will replace denial, anger, and rejection.

Many factors play into how and when a person may develop a mental illness, such as genetic predisposition, brain chemistry, chronic stress (such as physical abuse), infection and environmental contributors (including major life changes such as divorce).

Myth #3. All that people with mental illness need is a priesthood blessing.

I am a great advocate of priesthood blessings. I know, from much personal experience, that they do inestimable good. I know too that final and complete healing of mental illness or any other disease comes through faith in Jesus Christ. In any and all circumstances, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, our lives will improve and become richer and more peaceful as we turn to Him.

Dallin H. Oaks said in his talk in April of 2010:

The use of medical science is not at odds with our prayers of faith and our reliance on priesthood blessings. When a person requested a priesthood blessing, Brigham Young would ask, “Have you used any remedies?” To those who said no because “we wish the Elders to lay hands upon us, and we have faith that we shall be healed,” President Young replied: “That is very inconsistent according to my faith. If we are sick, and ask the Lord to heal us, and to do all for us that is necessary to be done, according to my understanding of the Gospel of salvation, I might as well ask the Lord to cause my wheat and corn to grow, without my plowing the ground and casting in the seed. It appears consistent to me to apply every remedy that comes within the range of my knowledge, and [then] to ask my Father in Heaven … to sanctify that application to the healing of my body (Dallin H. Oaks, Healing the Sick).

We must understand, however, without in any way denigrating the unique role of priesthood blessings, that ecclesiastical leaders are spiritual leaders and not mental health professionals. Most of them lack the professional skills and training to deal effectively with deep-seated mental illnesses and are well advised to seek competent professional assistance for those in their charge who are in need of it.

Remember that God has given us wondrous knowledge and technology that can help us overcome grievous problems such as mental illness. Just as we would not hesitate to consult a physician about medical problems such as cancer, heart disease, or diabetes, so too we should not hesitate to obtain medical and other appropriate professional assistance in dealing with mental illness. When such assistance is sought, be careful to ensure, insofar as possible, that the health professional concerned follows practices and procedures which are compatible with gospel principles.

Myth #4. Mentally ill persons just lack willpower.

There are some who mistakenly believe that the mentally ill just need to “snap out of it, show a little backbone, and get on with life.” Those who believe that way display a grievous lack of knowledge and compassion.

The fact is that seriously mentally ill persons simply cannot, through an exercise of will, get out of the predicament they are in. They need help, encouragement, understanding, and love. Anyone who has ever witnessed the well-nigh unbearable pain of a severe panic attack knows full well that nobody would suffer that way if all that was needed was to show a little willpower.

No one who has witnessed the almost indescribable sadness of a severely depressed person who perhaps can’t even get out of bed, who cries all day or retreats into hopeless apathy, or who tries to kill himself would ever think for a moment that mental illness is just a problem of willpower. We don’t say to persons with heart disease or cancer, “Just grow up and get over it.” Neither should we treat the mentally ill in such an uncompassionate and unhelpful way.

Myth #5. All mentally ill persons are dangerous and should be locked up.

Sensational and incomplete media reports have conjured up stereotypical portrayals of the mentally ill as crazed and violent lunatics, dangerous to others as well as themselves. The truth is that the vast majority of people with mental illness are not violent, and the great majority of crimes of violence are not committed by persons who are mentally ill.

Furthermore, over the past 40 years, as effective medications for mental illness have become available and effective support programs have been developed, it has been shown that most mentally ill people—like those with physical illnesses—can live productive lives in their communities. They do not need to be locked up. Like everyone else, most mentally ill persons receiving proper treatment have the potential to work at any level in any profession, depending solely on their abilities, talents, experience, and motivation.

Myth #6. Mental illness doesn’t strike children and young people.

As noted by the National Institute of Mental Health, the truth is that an estimated 10 percent of children in the United States suffer from a mental health disorder that disrupts their functioning at home, in school, or in the community.

The majority of children who kill themselves are profoundly depressed, and most parents did not recognize that depression until it was too late. I reiterate: no one is immune to mental illness.

Myth #7. Whatever the cause, mental illness is untreatable.

As mentioned, during the past 40 years numerous medications have been developed by the multinational pharmaceutical industry. These products have proven of inestimable worth to millions. They are not perfect, nor do they work effectively in every instance—far from it, unfortunately. But we are getting closer to the day when physicians will have available effective drugs which are specific in correcting the biochemical lesions concerned, without the side effects which too often limit the effectiveness of medications today. I have no doubt that such developments, which we are already beginning to see, will result in striking advances in the treatment of mental illness over the next decade.

We live in a time when victims of many mental disorders can find helpful treatments.

Unfortunately, many individuals and families struggle alone with illnesses that can be treated. “It isn’t a sign of weakness to get the help you need,” says Dorthea C. Murdock of LDS Social Services. “It is a sign of strength to say, ‘I have a problem and I need help.’ Hope and help are available.

The key to that hope is understanding. For the victim of mental illness, hope lies in being properly diagnosed and treated—the sooner the better. And for family members of the mentally ill, help comes best from those who understand the illness.

Taking a prescription is in no way against any church teachings, and should in fact be discussed as a treatment option with a healthcare professional.  If anyone even thinks to themselves that they would never take a drug or allow anyone in their family to on some antiquated principle in their mind, then they need to re-evaluate their reasons to see if pride could be a factor in that decision. It is better to be humbled and get real help than allow someone you love to suffer for foolish reasons!!!

How Can We Help?

(Mental Illness: In Search of Understanding and Hope, Jan Underwood Pinborough, Ensign, Sept 1990)

1. Express love and interest to both the suffering individual and their family.

Remember that they are people with ordinary human feelings. Very few mentally ill people are violent; properly treated, most are not. In fact, they are usually withdrawn and inclined to harm themselves rather than others. The father of a young man with schizophrenia expresses gratitude that the elders quorum presidency in his ward recently stopped by and spent an hour talking to his son. The son was overjoyed when the elders quorum president, a busy father, invited him over for dinner. These caring expressions meant all the more because the young man has so few other relationships.

Be willing to listen to family members of the mentally ill express their feelings. “It’s great to take a meal over,” says Dr. Richard Ferre, “but that avoids the problem of having to deal with someone else’s pain.”

We’re not professionals?  What should we do/say when someone wants to talk or confide in us?

• First, just understand…and not judge! Love, love love!
• Don’t say things like, “just get over it…” or “just don’t think about it” or “it will just go away if you ignore it.”  Instead, listen and validate someone else’s feelings…don’t ever minimize or use platitudes. 
• Encourage them to talk with the Bishop, who can refer them to a professional (or to their doctor.)
• Go the distance…this won’t be easy! Stick with them!

Friends and acquaintances may feel frustrated when they try to cheer and reassure a loved one suffering from severe depression. Often the person is too fatigued and irritable to respond positively to such attention, and isolation and guilt increase on both sides. But a loving friend or priesthood leader who is willing to simply listen can be a lifeline.

“I will always be grateful for a sister in my ward who was willing to listen to me during my depression,” says one woman. “She had also been through a depression, and she could reassure me from her own experience that the terrible blankness and hopelessness I felt inside would pass. Often the only way I could feel God’s love for me was through her compassionate, understanding friendship.”

We can listen, and when prompted by the Spirit, possibly help others see how they might be distorting gospel principles, and helping to give them hope.  There are many ways that we can help one another through our perspective of clearly seeing the gospel—that can help some of the symptoms and aggressors, but ultimately, we need to be aware that we are not professionals, and when we need to…we must encourage others to get the help they need.

2. Withhold judgment and increase acceptance.

If a family doesn’t show up for a church activity, be understanding. If a child behaves inappropriately in church, welcome that child anyway.

We each go through things that are hard during our lives.  At any given time, most of us have things that we worry about and that overcome our lives and often , and we should treat everyone as though they are going through heartache, so we will treat them with the Love of the Savior.

It’s important to realize that each person has his own time, his own moment, his own struggle.

No one is immune to serious problems, including mental illness.

3. Look for any needed help that you can do (that does not require a professional).

By really listening, you can learn what the true needs of a family are. Maybe a family needs someone to watch the other children while they take an ill child to the hospital in the middle of the night. In one ward, Relief Society sisters took turns taking a mother who could not drive and her mentally ill child to weekly doctor appointments.

If you suspect that a close friend or family member may be suffering from some form of mental illness, consider how you could encourage that person to get prompt professional and spiritual help. The bishop can refer members of his ward to LDS Social Services practitioners or to community resources for evaluation. Family physicians can also make referrals. Most communities have competent mental health professionals—including psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, and social workers—who can give help within the framework of Latter-day Saint values.

4. If you are suffering, please seek help and talk to someone.

There is no need to suffer silently, and reaching out to others may bless them as well.

With most people, "things are more complicated than they seem on the first visit," Goodstein tells WebMD. "Almost always, there's something more going on, and a doctor just can't know all that in one visit. It's erroneous if they think they can."

It's important to get treated for any mood disorder, because it can affect your own quality of life -- as well as the people around you, Goodstein adds. When you're depressed—for any reason—"You don't care about yourself. You don't care about those around you. And often, you don't have the motivation to get help because you feel hopeless," he says. "You might think there's no way to solve your problems. But that's not true. We can treat your depression, so you'll be better able to find solutions to your problems."

The Atonement brings healing

The Lord can heal us from any affliction.

John, Chapter 9:2-3, “Who did sin, this man or his parents?”  Jesus said “hath this man sinned or his parents.”

Sometimes we have a tendency during difficult times, to say, “well who sinned, who messed up? Parents, me, who?"

Neither. We have weaknesses so that the works of God can be made manifest in our lives, and so we will turn to him, and look to him for peace.

When we learn to take the Sacrament and view our lives through His Eyes, that we can find healing and comfort and rest from our troubles.  I hope each of us can remember that in our lives, and also share that with those we are blessed to serve.

The ultimate source of healing is spiritual.

Breaking the word atonement into three parts—at-one-ment—suggests the truth that only divine love can finally make us whole—emotionally and spiritually.

As Mormon explains, the power to become like the Savior—whole, fully developed—comes from being filled with charity, or “the pure love of Christ”: “Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him.” (Moro. 7:47–48.)

Alma describes the transforming effect of experiencing the Lord’s atoning love. Struck down for trying to destroy the Church, Alma was racked in his soul “with eternal torment.” Then, as he remembered his father’s prophecies of the Savior’s atoning love, he pleaded for mercy and was filled with an exquisite peace and joy. (See Alma 36:6–21.)

Healing comes when we, too, not only know—but also feel—that the Savior loves us, even in our weakness.

Dr. Dean Byrd, field manager for LDS Social Services, suggests that we can feel this love by reading the scriptures in a personalized way. For example, we could read John 3:16–17, “For God so loved [me], that he gave his only begotten Son, that [believing in him, I] should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn [me]; but that [I] through him might be saved.”

The atoning love of the Savior includes his willingness to bear not only the burden of our sins—which would separate us forever from our Father—but also our day-to-day burdens of fear and anxiety—which would deprive us of peace and joy.

As Sister Patricia Holland explains, giving our burdens to the Lord sometimes requires us “to make that leap of faith toward His embrace when we are least certain of His presence. … When we hand our fears and frustrations to Him in absolute confidence that He will help us resolve them, when in this way we free our heart and mind and soul of all anxiety, we find in a rather miraculous way that He can instill within us a whole new perspective—He can fill us with ‘that joy which is unspeakable and full of glory.’ (Hel. 5:44.)”

D&C 101:16 Be still, and know that I am God.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,” He said. “… Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:28–30). He and only He has the healing balm of Gilead needed by all of God’s children.

There is help. There is happiness. There really is light at the end of the tunnel.

It is the Light of the World, the Bright and Morning Star, the light that is endless, that can never be darkened. It is the very Son of God Himself.

To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you. Things will improve. Christ comes to you in His ‘more excellent ministry’ with a future of better promises. He is your ‘high priest of good things to come.’  (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, An High Priest of Good Things to Come, Ensign, Nov. 1999)

Devon


Additional references used in this talk:

Keeping Mentally Well
Jan Underwood Pinborough
Ensign, Sept. 1990

Rising Above the Blues
Shanna Ghaznavi
New Era, April 2002


HANDOUT

Conditions Recognized as Mental Illness

The more common types include:

• Anxiety disorders: People with anxiety disorders respond to certain objects or situations with fear and dread, as well as with physical signs of anxiety or nervousness, such as a rapid heartbeat and sweating. An anxiety disorder is diagnosed if the person's response is not appropriate for the situation, if the person cannot control the response, or if the anxiety interferes with normal functioning. Anxiety disorders include generalized anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and specific phobias.
• Mood disorders: These disorders, also called affective disorders, involve persistent feelings of sadness or periods of feeling overly happy, or fluctuations from extreme happiness to extreme sadness. The most common mood disorders are depression, mania, and bipolar disorder.
• Psychotic disorders: Psychotic disorders involve distorted awareness and thinking. Two of the most common symptoms of psychotic disorders are hallucinations -- the experience of images or sounds that are not real, such as hearing voices -- and delusions -- false beliefs that the ill person accepts as true, despite evidence to the contrary. Schizophrenia is an example of a psychotic disorder.
• Eating disorders: Eating disorders involve extreme emotions, attitudes, and behaviors involving weight and food. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder are the most common eating disorders.
• Impulse control and addiction disorders: People with impulse control disorders are unable to resist urges, or impulses, to perform acts that could be harmful to themselves or others. Pyromania (starting fires), kleptomania (stealing), and compulsive gambling are examples of impulse control disorders. Alcohol and drugs are common objects of addictions. Often, people with these disorders become so involved with the objects of their addiction that they begin to ignore responsibilities and relationships.
• Personality disorders: People with personality disorders have extreme and inflexible personality traits that are distressing to the person and/or cause problems in work, school, or social relationships. In addition, the person's patterns of thinking and behavior significantly differ from the expectations of society and are so rigid that they interfere with the person's normal functioning. Examples include antisocial personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and paranoid personality disorder.

Other, less common types of mental illnesses include:

• Adjustment disorder: Adjustment disorder occurs when a person develops emotional or behavioral symptoms in response to a stressful event or situation. The stressors may include natural disasters, such as an earthquake or tornado; events or crises, such as a car accident or the diagnosis of a major illness; or interpersonal problems, such as a divorce, death of a loved one, loss of a job, or a problem with substance abuse. Adjustment disorder usually begins within three months of the event or situation and ends within six months after the stressor stops or is eliminated.
• Dissociative disorders: People with these disorders suffer severe disturbances or changes in memory, consciousness, identity, and general awareness of themselves and their surroundings. These disorders usually are associated with overwhelming stress, which may be the result of traumatic events, accidents, or disasters that may be experienced or witnessed by the individual. Dissociative identity disorder, formerly called multiple personality disorder, or "split personality", and depersonalization disorder are examples of dissociative disorders.
• Factitious disorders: Factitious disorders are conditions in which physical and/or emotional symptoms are created in order to place the individual in the role of a patient or a person in need of help.
• Sexual and gender disorders: These include disorders that affect sexual desire, performance, and behavior. Sexual dysfunction, gender identity disorder, and the paraphilias are examples of sexual and gender disorders.
• Somatoform disorders: A person with a somatoform disorder, formerly known as psychosomatic disorder, experiences physical symptoms of an illness even though a doctor can find no medical cause for the symptoms.
• Tic disorders: People with tic disorders make sounds or display body movements that are repeated, quick, sudden, and/or uncontrollable. (Sounds that are made involuntarily are called vocal tics.) Tourette's syndrome is an example of a tic disorder.

Warning Signs of Mental Illness

Mental illness, like other serious disorders, is marked by several early warning signals. Although each of us may experience one or more of these symptoms at one time or another, we should become concerned and get help if they persist or recur frequently.

• Prolonged or severe depression
• Undue, continuing anxiety and worry
• Tension-caused physical problems
• Withdrawal from society; isolation
• Confused or disordered thinking
• Hallucinations or delusions (may be of a religious nature)
• Unjustified fears
• Obsessions or compulsions
• Inappropriate emotions
• Substantial, rapid weight gain or loss
• Too much or too little sleep
• Excessive self-centeredness
• Loss of touch with reality
• Inability to maintain good interpersonal relationships
• Inability to cope with or overcome problems in school, at work, or at home
• Inability to manage everyday routines and responsibilities in school, at work, or at home
• Inability to take care of one’s personal needs
• Extremely immature behavior
• Negative self-image and outlook

(Adapted from Now at Last, pamphlet, The American Mental Health Fund, n.d., pp. 2–3.
Anxiety Disorder)

Symptoms that may indicate an anxiety disorder

• Are you constantly tense, worried, or on edge?
• Does your anxiety interfere with your work, school, or family responsibilities?
• Are you plagued by fears that you know are irrational, but can’t shake?
• Do you believe that something bad will happen if certain things aren’t done a certain way?
• Do you avoid everyday situations or activities because they cause you anxiety?
• Do you experience sudden, unexpected attacks of heart-pounding panic?
• Do you feel like danger and catastrophe are around every corner?
• Do you have emotional symptoms of anxiety, such as feelings of apprehension and dread, anticipating the worst, or watching for danger?

Do you have physical symptoms, such as:

• Pounding heart
• Sweating
• Stomach upset or dizziness
• Frequent urination or diarrhea
• Shortness of breath
• Restlessness
• Trouble concentrating
• Tremors and twitches
• Muscle tension
• Headaches
• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Irritability
• Regularly feeling tense and jumpy

(Adapted from WebMD.com)

If you identify with several of these signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder, and could benefit from speaking with a mental health professional.

Clinical depression

Not everyone will experience the same depressive symptoms, but one or a combination of the following symptoms should be a warning. Prolonged (longer than two weeks) and severe symptoms are a sign that you need to ask for help. Some of the most common symptoms of depression are:

• A persistent sad, anxious, or empty feeling
• Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
• Decreased energy or increased fatigue
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or getting up
• Appetite change and/or weight loss or gain
• Restlessness and irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, stomachaches, or other chronic pain
• Thoughts of death or suicide

(National Institute of Mental Health)

Helping others with depression

If you have a friend who is depressed, offer your support, patience, and encouragement. Remember, people with depression can’t just snap out of a low mood.

And never ignore talk of suicide or any other signals your friend might be giving you. Tell a trusted church leader or doctor about your friend’s threats immediately. Not all suicidal teens will behave in the same way, but here are some warning signs that your friend needs help, and fast:

• They want to be alone all the time.
• They are moody and irritable.
• Their personality has changed abruptly.
• They are using drugs or alcohol.
• They are sleeping too much or not enough.
• They are giving their possessions away.
• They have talked about suicide or wanting to die.

Ways to help yourself when suffering

• Get the appropriate level of professional help from:  a doctor, your Bishop, LDS Family Services, or even local crisis lines.
• Pray whenever you need help and comfort.
• Read the scriptures and other uplifting books.
• Listen to uplifting music.
• Ask for a priesthood blessing.
• Serve others. You have a lot to offer.
• Spend time with your family and friends. Let them help you.
• Eat healthily & Exercise Regularly.
• Be patient. You’ll improve gradually once you seek treatment.
• Talk to a friend.
• Try to break negative thought patterns.
• Prioritize what you need to do, and set realistic goals on a schedule you can handle.
• Start a worthwhile hobby to get your mind off things.
• Keep a journal.

(Taken from New Era article, Rising Above the Blues by Shanna Ghaznavi, April 2002)

Make-Everything-OK Button

http://make-everything-ok.com/

Try it! It really does make you feel better.

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Group Rides Out Storm in LDS Church Building

"We were very blessed. We were very fortunate. We felt hands protecting us -- all of us felt that." -Lee Allphin, Joplin tornado survivor.

Compelling. 


Group Rides Out Storm in LDS Church Building - video/article here.

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Mother's Day Lesson: Joy in the Journey

HAVE JOY IN THE JOURNEY and LIVE WITH HAPPINESS EVERY STEP OF THE WAY
By Devon Linn

When I think of the sisters in our ward, the thing that worries me the most is how we can help each other make it through the inevitable tough times that we all have.

Times where we are facing a tremendous trial in our lives, or when we are suffering a loss, or when we just feel completely and utterly alone. Hard times will come for all of us, and I wish more than anything else that we could all know when someone needs a hug, a smile, a kind word, or a shoulder to cry on—but we don’t always know.

Joy, happiness, good cheer
In thinking about what could be done to help someone’s dark days get brighter, I ran across a scripture with the word joy in it, so I turned to the topical guide under joy, and was filled with the spirit just reading about ways to bring cheer and happiness into our lives, and the Spirit witnessed to me that we truly are meant to have joy (2 Nephi 2:25), even during our trials.

“In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer.” D&C 68:6

I did a ton of reading on joy, happiness, and cheer. And one of the things that really stood out to me in all my research was that we can simultaneously have joy DURING our trials.

We might not be skipping along humming when we are facing times that are hard, but we can feel the Lord’s influence in our lives and not let Satan overpower our thoughts and emotions.

The phrase “endure to the end” sometimes can make it sound like our journeys must be miserable if we have to endure them. So I like the phrase “JOY in the journey so much better.” It gives it such a happy turn!

One of my favorite articles I found from the Ensign was called The Quest For Joy, adapted from Barbara Workman, wife of MTC Mission Presidency member:

Joy is an emotion of the spirit. It comes through righteous living. It is not a casual or shallow feeling, ever. If we equate fun and pleasure with happiness, we may think pain must always be equated with unhappiness. But that is not true. Joy is not a stranger to pain. We may not feel deeply enough to know joy unless our hearts have been hollowed out by sorrow. A heart may not be big enough to know real joy until it has been stretched and pulled by trials and hard things. In 2 Nephi 2:23 [2 Ne. 2:23] we find this phrase: “having no joy, for they knew no misery.” Our capacity to feel joy actually increases as we righteously endure our pain.

Paul H. Dunn said,

I wonder if the constant bombardment of dilemmas and challenges … doesn’t 
frustrate, discourage, and depress us to 
the point where our minds and attitudes 
are distracted from the very principles that would allow us to rise above the negative and find the positive answers we need.

Avoiding negativity
Sister Lou Chandler and her sisters gave a great talk at our Stake Women’s Conference a few weeks ago on Avoiding Negativity, they had so many wonderful quotes and ideas, so I’ll share some of if with those of you who couldn’t make it to that activity.

One of their first points was that we are conditioned to be either positive or negative about our journey, and overcoming conditioning requires change!!!!

A key to remember: before we can even begin to have Joy, we must desire it!

As sad as it is, there are times that we don’t want to be happy. That is all right for a time, but we need to make sure we don’t make it a personality trait. Do we like to “victimize” ourselves?
We have to really want to be happy, and make it happen! DESIRE JOY!

Some things we can do 
Here are some ways we can bring more Joy into our lives and learn to “Be of Good Cheer” every step of the way?

CHANGE PERSPECTIVE and EXPECTATIONS. How do you feel when things don’t happen in the way you expected? Sometimes we aren’t even aware that we had those expectations, and we need to:

• Acknowledge expectations.
• Discard unworthy expectations
 (thoughts of entitlement).
• Turn expectations into intentions.
• Be a catalyst for realizing other’s 
worthy expectations.

And we have to ask ourselves: How do we view things? Do we ever make mountains out of molehills because we aren’t looking at things from the right perspective.

Each of us tend to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or, as we’re conditioned to see it.

~ Stephen R. Covey

We also need to make sure that along with this, we also don’t learn to blame our emotions on other people’s behavior.

AVOID DISCOURAGEMENT and NEGATIVITY. Negativity blinds us from solutions and keeps us from feeling the Spirit. This is Satan’s plan, and what he wants—to be miserable! To only see the glass as half empty, and to feel sorrow!

2 Nephi 2:17–18, 27:

17And I, Lehi, according to the things which I have read, must needs suppose that an angel of God, according to that which is written, had fallen from heaven; wherefore, he became a cdevil, having sought that which was evil before God.

18And because he had fallen from heaven, and had become miserable forever, he sought also the misery of all mankind. Wherefore, he said unto Eve, yea, even that old serpent, who is the devil, who is the father of all lies, wherefore he said: Partake of the forbidden fruit, and ye shall not die, but ye shall be as God, knowing good and evil.

Marvin J. Ashton:

One of Satan’s most powerful tools is discouragement. Whisperings of ‘you can’t do it,’ ‘you’re no good,’ ‘it’s too late,’ ‘what’s the use?’ or ‘things are hopeless’ are tools of destruction. Satan … wants you to quit trying. It is important that discouragement is cast out of [our lives]. This may take a decided amount of work and energy, but it can be accomplished” (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 73; or Ensign, May 1988, 63).

CHANGE OUR COUNTENANCE. This is one from Sister Lou Chandler. I called it “Fake happiness until it becomes a habit,” but it’s basically the same thing. What we appear to feel changes how others around us feel and behave, which then will change our emotions. We need to really strive to have the Lord’s image in our countenance.

LEARN TO LAUGH. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said this,

Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed, condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim? There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh.

This is one of my favorite stories. Elder Wirthlin told it about their family in his talk, Come What May and Love it:

I remember when one of our daughters went on a blind date. She was all dressed up and waiting for her date to arrive when the doorbell rang.

In walked a man who seemed a little old, but she tried to be polite. She introduced him to me and my wife and the other children; then she put on her coat and went out the door.

We watched as she got into the car, but the car didn’t move. Eventually our daughter got out of the car and, red faced, ran back into the house. The man that she thought was her blind date had actually come to pick up another of our daughters who had agreed to be a babysitter for him and his wife.

We all had a good laugh over that. In fact, we couldn’t stop laughing. Later, when our daughter’s real blind date showed up, I couldn’t come out to meet him because I was still in the kitchen laughing.

Now, I realize that our daughter could have felt humiliated and embarrassed. But she laughed with us, and as a result, we still laugh about it today.

The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable.

MORE HUMILITY, LESS PRIDE. When you allow pride to lead you into the negativity cycle, it is like trying to swim while wearing a diver’s weight belt: it takes all your energy just to keep your head above water.

Let go of the pride, repent, and unstrap the weight belt of negative feelings and replace them with positive thoughts. Invite the Holy Spirit to heal and protect your [relationships.]

Positive thoughts, aided by the Spirit, act like a life vest to help keep you afloat so you can use your energy to stay on course.

GIFT OF THE HOLY GHOST. The gift of the Holy Ghost is a great source of joy and wisdom. This “Comforter,” bestowed by the priesthood, “teaches [us] all things,” guides us into all truth, and brings “all things to [our] remembrance” (see John 14:16–27; John 16:13). “Put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good,” the Lord counsels, and it “shall fill your soul with joy” (D&C 11:12–13).

We can bring the Holy Ghost more fully into our lives by sincere prayer, feasting upon the Word, and listening to our Church leaders.

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught us to

turn not away the small, still voice; it will teach [us] what to do and where to go; it will yield the fruit of the kingdom … it will whisper peace and joy to [our] souls; it will take malice, hatred, strife and all evil from [our] hearts, and [our] whole desire will be to do good (Millennial Star, 23 Sept. 1873, 598).

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE. In one of his conference addresses, President Monson taught about Borghild Dahl, both before and after her sight was restored, was filled with gratitude for her blessings.

In 1982, two years before she died, at the age of 92 her last book was published. Its title: Happy All My Life. Her attitude of thankfulness enabled her to appreciate her blessings and to live a full and rich life despite her challenges.

We don’t have to have health related illnesses or miraculous events take place in our lives to enjoy a proper attitude.

I would love to have the title of my life be “Happy All My Life” like Borghild Dahl. What a tribute to a remarkable woman.

REFOCUS ON OTHERS. We can start looking outward instead of inward! This can make all the difference! Along with this comes the blessings of service, service, and more service!

• Inspiring others is the most valuable work available to us.
• The disciples of Christ went about doing good—That is our stewardship also.
• Standard for Service: 
The best gifts are given anonymously and help people be more reliant ~Jon Huntsman
• Train yourself to look outward, not inward.
• There is a reason the church talks so much about serving others because it really helps us with our own depressions, our selfishness, our cynicism, and our negativity.
• There are opportunities all around us.

WILLINGNESS TO LEARN FROM TRIALS and PAIN, USE THE ATONEMENT. We can learn something worthwhile from our experience with spiritual and psychological suffering—those pains of the heart that may come from a wounded conscience, loneliness, disappointment, or a love that is lost.

Elder Bruce C. Hafen said,

Some will remember Anne Morrow Lindbergh, the literate wife of the famous pilot, Charles Lindbergh. The kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby, which finally resulted in the child’s death, once captured the attention and sympathy of the American nation.

In looking back on her life, Mrs. Lindbergh wrote: “I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable.” (Time, 5 Feb. 1973, p. 35; italics added.)

We will all suffer in one way or another, but we need a certain perspective if our suffering is to teach us.

I read another incredible article from Bruce C. Hafen entitled A Willingness to Learn from Pain, (1983) that I highly recommend to all of us. One excerpt that I enjoyed was:

I am willing to remain vulnerable to those painful realities that inevitably come with facing the truth about myself, with learning, with growing, with loving, and with trying to be faithful. Pain of that kind helps me remember that I am in contact with life as it was meant to be experienced, thus preparing me more fully for that appointed reunion with those who sent me here—when, at last, my joy may be full.

Again from Barbara Workman’s article: Joy is learning to “make friends with mortality.”

That’s a phrase my sister taught me long ago to help me endure when cars break down and bills pile up. She was trying to help me make the best of a telestial world.

• Sometimes we need to give ourselves a little time to regroup.
• Healing takes time, be patient.
• Let go and let God.
• Tears will come and as long as they do not last too long, they help us to heal.
• Our assignment is to get through the stages of grief not to invite them as permanent partners.
• There will be times numbness, depression and anger before we get to acceptance.
• Forgiveness.

It is not saying it is OK, it is not OK. We can not absolve anyone of the consequences, but we can get to the point where we leave it in God’s hands.

Forgiveness is saying I have better things to do with my life than to hang on to revenge, resentment and anger. Forgiveness is taking ourselves out of the loop.

The ATONEMENT is the KEY. There are times when our heartache comes as a consequence of sin, either ours or someone else’s. The Atonement can heal ALL of our sorrow and pain, and can help us overcome our character weaknesses and addictions that keep us from experiencing the joy that we have.

He is my joy, and my song
Ultimately, joy is in Jesus Christ. Unbearable pain turned Alma to the Savior and thus to joy. Perhaps that experience prompted him to say, “May God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son” (Alma 33:23).

The “joy of his Son” is found in every corner of [the world], indeed within every valiant [child of God].

His promise for their times of trial is very tender: “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Devon Linn

Photo credit

Church Humanitarian Aid, Japanese Church Members Helping People Suffering From Disaster

 

From the church news room, this about our efforts to help the people of Japan. This story is a couple of weeks old so the numbers may be different. Could be a topic of conversation with coworkers or family members. Church Humanitarian Aid, Japanese Church Members Helping People Suffering From Disaster

The Church has provided more than 135,000 pounds of food, water and supplies, 10,000 liters of fuel and 15,000 blankets and is working with the local prefectural governments to coordinate their distribution.

These items are being purchased in Japan and shipped to Sendai and surrounding areas where they are most needed. The blankets have been purchased in China and are now being distributed in Japan.

... 40,000 hours of service...plans to assemble hygiene and cleaning kits...delivering aid by scooters.

Related articles
President Monson: Our hearts go out
Another Church news story: Church Responds to Japan Disaster
Desert News: Jeffrey Holland Media Conference
Donate to the Church Humanitarian fund

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The Best Is Yet to Be

I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been.

The past is to be learned from but not lived in.

We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes.

And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future.

~ Jeffrey R. Holland, The Best Is Yet to Be, Ensign, Jan. 2010, 22–27

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The Way

No institution, plan, program, or system ever conceived by men has access to the redeeming and transforming power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the gift of the Holy Ghost. 

Therefore, while the Lord’s invitation to follow Him is the highest of all, it is also achievable by everyone, not because we are able, but because He is, and because He can make us able too. 

“We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind [everyone, living and dead] may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.”

The Lord’s way is not hard. 

Life is hard, not the gospel. 

“There is an opposition in all things”, everywhere, for everyone. 

Life is hard for all of us, but life is also simple. 

We have only two choices.  

We can either follow the Lord and be endowed with His power and have peace, light, strength, knowledge, confidence, love, and joy, or we can go some other way, any other way, whatever other way, and go it alone—without His support, without His power, without guidance, in darkness, turmoil, doubt, grief, and despair. 

And I ask, which way is easier?

~ Elder Lawrence Corbridge, The Way, General Conference, October 2008

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A Picture Story: On Carrying Your Burdens

Kim Aviles-Goodhines thought you'd like this. Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

We complain about the cross we bear, but don't realize it may be preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we can't.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain.

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to  answer your call.

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear.

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
but suddenly vanish, in dawn's early light.

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.


Kim


[Good message. Would loved to have seen one more picture...and a second message of divine help when we need it. Thanks for sharing Kim. e]

The 4 A's of Stress Relief, Plus 1

Found this little formula for handling stress, on the Mayo Clinic website, (which is my favorite site for looking up health issues). Do go and read each one.

Avoid, alter, accept, adapt:

When we feel the effects of stress weighing us down, it's like lugging a backpack that's becoming heavier by the minute. Too much stress can make life a difficult journey. When your stress level exceeds your ability to cope, you need to restore the balance by reducing the stressors or increasing your ability to cope, or both. Try using one of the four A's: avoid, alter, accept or adapt.

These are all really useful concepts, but I have to add Atonement. When life is getting you down and stress is taking it's toll, ask our Heavenly Father for help, healing and peace through the power of our Savior's atonement.

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Photo credits: 1  2   3   4

Need some specific council to help with trials?

I just found THIS GREAT SITE on LDS.org's Family Service page with resources on ways to improve our emotional health.  It links great articles from General Conference, BYU devotionals, Church Resources, and the Ensign all in one location for specific topics.  Some examples of areas covered are: abuse, adoption, adversity, conflict resolution, depression, divorce, marriage, parenting, self worth, stress management, and many more! 

I know when it comes time for me to seek help in a particular area, I often find that I need specific direction and these articles are wonderful for that!  Plus I love knowing that they are all from LDS.org so the counsel will be appropriate.  If you are seeking help or just want to include some great resources to your scripture study, try reading some of these articles.  I hope they'll help you as much as they have me!

Devon

This seems like a hidden treasure. But not for long. I've posted a permanent link on our Official Church Websites tab for future reference. Thanks Devon for bringing it to our attention.  e

Lesson Recap - Change

Lesson: IMPLEMENTING CHANGE IN OUR LIVES
by Devon Linn
 

 

I AM NOT PERFECT….yet?

Are any of us perfect? I for one definitely am not, though I tell my husband that’s a good thing. Who wants to be married to someone who is absolutely perfect? It would make you feel so inadequate all the time being less than they are, right? So I tell my darling Milt that it's a good thing that I'm a little bit messy, because if I were neat then I would be absolutely perfect in every way!  He is so lucky to have such a messy wife!

Other than having a cleaner house, I think I probably have plenty of other things to work on. What’s great is that with the gospel, the Lord will help give us promptings telling us the ways we can improve in our lives and the changes we need to make if we have the Spirit.

I get these promptings all the time. Sometimes they come to me while listening to General Conference, or a lesson in church on Sunday, or reading my scriptures, and then I usually do try to be better for at least a few days but then….*poof* they're just gone and I've forgotten the prompting and moved onto something else I need to work on. And I don’t think I forget because I’m lazy or don’t really want to be better, but it’s more because life just seems to get too darn busy and my brain just has too much going on to remember everything (or sometimes anything at all!)

I’m sure everyone has failed at least once or twice to follow a prompting. Usually for me, it begins with listening to a lesson or a talk and thinking, “Yes! I can do that and be better! I can improve in my efforts to ______________ (fill in the blank: pray more, work on family history, judge less, prioritize my time better, study my scriptures, write in my journal, etc etc etc).”

But when it comes time to actually and consistently IMPLEMENT the change, I find myself too busy cleaning, doing laundry, working, paying bills, and other everyday things that I’m just so busy and exhausted that I’ve totally forgotten the prompting I received in the first place. Does this happen to everyone? Luckily the Lord knows and loves us, so he sends a lot of “reminder” promptings, because He just won't give up on us.

One of my favorite quotes to read when I feel overwhelmed at all the things I need to be doing is this one by Sister Beck:

 “Good women always have a desire to know if they are succeeding. In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources. To paraphrase a list found in Preach My Gospel, we are doing well when we develop attributes of Christ and strive to obey His gospel with exactness. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. We are doing well when we increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help others who are in need. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us. Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly.” – Julie B. Beck

Oh, if I could only read this quote every day! Sister Beck’s words are exactly what I constantly need to hear to re-commit myself to try harder and keep working in the right direction. It’s not important to be hard on ourselves if we aren't perfect already, but it is important that we are trying to improve ourselves every day.

I love that Sister Beck specifically mentions trying to develop attributes of Christ, because that goal seems to encompass all the other promptings I receive. I also love that she pointed out that doing our best still won’t keep disappointments away, because that’s just not how the plan works, but at least we won’t be disappointed in ourselves when we’ve followed the Spirit and done our best. I have felt the peace and hope that comes when we feel the Spirit working through us, and it is worth every effort I make to strive to feel that love and joy as often as I can while on this earth.

RESOLUTION TIME!

I don’t normally believe in Yearly Resolutions, but I whole-heartedly vote for having weekly ones that I think about during the Sacrament. Last year Ellen did a post on this RS blog on what our Resolutions for the year were going to be, and I actually thought about it and replied to her, thinking I’d give it a try. Sad to say…this week I had to go back to the blog to remember exactly what they were. I did remember that there was something about not yelling at my children, so that’s something!  And I do think I did better (minus maybe 10 days or so, give or take).

 

But I think the resolutions listed by other sisters were inspiring for me. They were things that seemed to be prompted not by the world, but by the Spirit. Read a recap of these here, because there were some goals that I thought were some great ideas. 

What are some of your goals/resolutions/changes you want to make?

Here are some of the things sisters mentioned in Relief Society:

• Pray more, better, more intently
• Be more in tune with the Spirit/more Spiritually Discerning
• Work on Family History
• Write Personal History/Journal
• Learn/Gain Knowledge
• Be Healthier
• Better Visiting Teacher
• Scripture study/Institute
• More Self-Reliant (work on food storage, 72-hour kits, etc).
• Prioritize time better
• NOT making lists & plans (obviously, this one applied to some of our proactive sisters, and does not apply to me. :)

PIECE OF CAKE, RIGHT?  Oh, wait...Obstacles?

It can be hard to change. When we are truly trying to change something that is really going to make an impact in our lives, that’s when the adversary seems to work the hardest on us. I love this quote by C.S. Lewis:

“Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. … You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means” (Mere Christianity [1960], 109–10). -C.S. Lewis

What are some of the things that are blowing against us? What is keeping us from making these inspired changes in our lives?  Here is a list of things sisters in Relief Society mentioned:

• Time!!!
• GUILT/Feelings of Inadequacy
• Habits
• Addictions/Natural Man
• Physical hardships
• Stress

I think guilt is really the one that sneaks in more often than we realize. We hear lessons like this and we immediately think, “oh, I've already failed so many times! I’m so terrible, and I just can’t change because I’ve already failed before!” You know if you are feeling a pit in your stomach right now about something that you want to change.  That icky feeling is not from the Lord.  Satan is the one that makes us feel bad about ourselves and inadequate.  "Good guilt" that comes from the Lord should be something you feel inspired about and feel hopeful that you can change, and should never make you feel terrible about yourself.

 

 All of these obstacles listed are real and hard, but I think the one that many of us need to overcome first is the guilt that we carry around with us. Then we can work on overcoming the others.

We need to start today by telling ourselves to stop looking back and feeling guilty and inadequate at our previous habits, but just focus forward and the change that we CAN make. We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, and we are free to act however we choose to act. If we want to change, no one can stop us. Satan throws negativity and guilt at us to try to keep us from reaching our divine potential, but he cannot stop us if we choose to change!

We are strong enough for self-control. We are Heavenly Father’s children, and he has sent us here with the capacity to overcome and accomplish great things.

Each of us is accountable for his own actions. How can any of us hope to play a great role in time or eternity if we have no power of self-control? Is overcoming self-control easier or harder than overcoming lack of time?

WHEN SHOULD WE START?  TODAY!

Donald Hallstrom of the seventy gave a talk a few years ago on procrastination, and in it he talked about one the most memorable “prophet-isms” from President Kimball:

"One of President Spencer W. Kimball’s effective encouragements was the succinct “Do It.” He later expanded this to “Do It Now” to pointedly teach the need for timeliness. President Kimball also taught the profound principle that procrastination leads to the loss of exaltation. He said: “One of the most serious human defects in all ages is procrastination, an unwillingness to accept personal responsibilities now. … Many have allowed themselves to be diverted and have become … addicts to mental and spiritual indolence and to the pursuit of worldly pleasure.” - Donald L. Hallstrom

Elder Hallstrom also said:

“We know what is right, but we delay full spiritual involvement because of laziness, fear, rationalization, or lack of faith. We convince ourselves that “someday I’m going to do it.” However, for many “someday” never comes, and even for others who eventually do make a change, there is an irretrievable loss of progress and surely regression.” - Donald L. Hallstrom

Doesn’t that make us realize that we really do need to be working and trying and moving in the right direction? We need to change, because as the quote from C.S. Lewis earlier talked about trials being like the wind, you cannot just stand still and hope to be going anywhere. We need to be moving forward, and improving, and becoming more like our Savior to bring about true joy in our lives here on the earth. And will it be easy? No. It will take some work. As Elder Uchtdorf puts it so perfectly:

"When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer—no matter how eloquent the oration. President Thomas S. Monson put it this way: “It is not enough to want to make the effort and to say we’ll make the effort. … It’s in the doing, not just the thinking, that we accomplish our goals. If we constantly put our goals off, we will never see them fulfilled.” -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

THE KEY TO REMEMBER:

The one thing that we have to remember is that we can do it because we have the Savior helping us with our inspired goals. Sister Beck reminds us in this quote how our resolutions really can be weekly ones we think about during the sacrament, and then we can repent and move on.

“It is not possible to make real change all by ourselves. Our own willpower and our own good intentions are not enough. When we make mistakes or choose poorly, we must have the help of our Savior to get back on track. We partake of the sacrament week after week to show our faith in His power to change us. We confess our sins and promise to forsake them.” -Julie B. Beck

One of my favorite scriptures is Philippians 4:13, which says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” I know that that is true, and that the Savior wants to help us change for the better. He can do anything, and we are worth it! He loves us enough to help us overcome every trial, every bad habit, every addiction. And we can change whatever we don’t feel good about, because HE will be there with us. He is our Savior, and He alone can heal us from all imperfections. It won’t be easy, but we can do it.