Video: Watch Your Step

Video: Chastity, What are the limits?

Share this with your children and discuss...

Latter-day Saint teens are counseled to stay sexually pure, but what exactly are the limits? Using teachings of modern prophets, this presentation shows why that's the wrong question to ask, as well as how we can find happiness and peace through staying chaste.



Nicely done.

Related (Christian) references:
The 10 Worst Mistakes You Can Make When Talking to Your Kids About S*x (2 parts)
How Far Can I Go?

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Study: Couples Who Wait, Get Benefits Later

For those of you with young adult or teenage children, listen up.

A new study in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology
suggests that delaying sex might strengthen marriage; waiting is linked to better communication and stability in the relationship.

Read the full article at BYU website. Links at the top also take you to other national publication articles on the study for a broader picture.

A statistical analysis showed the following benefits enjoyed by couples who waited until marriage compared to those who started having sex in the early part of their relationship:
-    Relationship stability was rated 22 percent higher
-    Relationship satisfaction was rated 20 percent higher
-    Sexual quality of the relationship was rated 15 percent better
-    Communication was rated 12 percent better
For couples in between – those that became sexually involved later in the relationship but prior to marriage – the benefits were about half as strong.

Couples who hit the honeymoon too early – that is, prioritize sex promptly at the outset of a relationship – often find their relationships underdeveloped when it comes to the qualities that make relationships stable and spouses reliable and trustworthy.

Regardless of religiosity, waiting helps the relationship form better communication processes, and these help improve long-term stability and relationship satisfaction.

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Mormon Times: Answering Questions About Porn Addiction

Why would my husband hide this from me? Is this somehow my fault? Where can I turn for help?

These and other questions are answered by Dorothy Maryon is a licensed professional counselor, in this Mormon Times article, Answering Questions About Porn Addiction.

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Guest Blogger: My Missionary Opportunities

The theme for August is Missionary work. I've asked several of you to write a little about your experiences or feelings.

- What are some specific ways you can share the gospel?
- What works for you that could work for others?
- Tell a story about a time you have shared some aspect of the gospel with others. 
- Share your testimony of missionary work.

Here's Cheryl's answers...

Guest Blogger: Cheryl Wentzel

I have to say that one of my greatest tools for missionary work is Ava. She is so friendly and will walk up to anyone, anywhere and introduce herself and everyone with her. This has opened up many a discussion at the park or playground. Conversations have begun around the swings and slide that have led to an invite to church, not always but when the moment seems right. I will say Kellen is much better at this than I am. I have even told neighbors about our great activities and women's organization that gets me out of the house for an evening now and then.

I have the opportunity to spend time at the doctor's office quite often. Every time I see a new doctor and my history is discussed, the fact that I have lived in Utah and that I have family there comes up.  This invariably brings up the Church. Most often that means only the question, "Are you Mormon?"  With my response a simple, "Yes". This ends the verbal discussion but I feel that my actions then become a missionary tool because how I conduct myself is a reflection of how I live my religion.
 
Kellen has a co-worker who we have spent a lot of time with their family. We have been able to share ideas about the gospel and learn about what each other believes. We are both Christians but the differences stand out. I've had the chance to tell her what an eternal marriage means to me and how important the temple is to creating a family that will last beyond this life. I hope that this has made a lasting impression with her. I hope she can see how I interact with my husband and children and feel how much family means to us. As our friendship grows I hope to be able to share more with her.

Having served a full-time mission and depended on members to support the work we did, I know how important it is to be involved with sharing the gospel and helping the missionaries in our area. I also know how hard it is to find the time with everything that occupies our time. I do know that when we ask the Lord for help to guide us to use the time we have to be examples and share in simple principles that can add meaning and depth to our friends and acquaintances lives.

When I was first asked to write for this blog I thought they picked the wrong person because I just stay at home and really don't know anyone outside the ward. But as I thought more about it I was surprised at the many ways open to share the gospel and be a missionary in everyday situations. We just need to be more alert and open to the promptings we are given.

Cheryl

The Divine Institution of Marriage

Intending to reduce misunderstanding and ill will, the Church has produced the following document, “The Divine Institution of Marriage,” and provided the accompanying links to other materials, to explain its reasons for defending marriage between a man and a woman as an issue of moral imperative.

Marriage is not primarily a contract between individuals to ratify their affections and provide for mutual obligations. Rather, marriage and family are vital instruments for rearing children and teaching them to become responsible adults.

While governments did not invent marriage, throughout the ages governments of all types have recognized and affirmed marriage as an essential institution in preserving social stability and perpetuating life itself.

Hence, regardless of whether marriages were performed as a religious rite or a civil ceremony, married couples in almost every culture have been granted special benefits aimed primarily at sustaining their relationship and promoting the environment in which children are reared. A husband and a wife do not receive these benefits to elevate them above any other two people who may share a residence or social tie, but rather in order to preserve, protect, and defend the all-important institutions of marriage and family.

Take a moment to educate yourself on the Church's official stand on same-sex marriage. Let's understand the issue and speak out appropriately and not in ignorance.
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Interested in other commentaries from the Newsroom? See a list of thoughtful articles here. The Church has posted explanatory, contextual and background information addressing a number of important topics and issues. These pieces are meant to increase understanding of the Church and are written in language familiar to various audiences.

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Photo credit: Dan King

Marriage and Decision-making

Did you catch this article, Husbands, Wives and Decisions, by Orson Scott Card this month?

Good marriages have disagreements, and they don't have to be hidden away or denied. You don't have to be a doormat by giving in on issues that matter to you — as long as you don't try to compel your spouse to give in, either.

Before you speak a word of disagreement with your spouse, especially if you feel angry, you should reach out your hand and say, with your lips and in your heart, "Your happiness and our marriage are both more important to me than anything we ever disagree about."

Wade and I celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks, and I can vouch for the do's and don'ts he lists...decisions can wait, no pouncing, men be men and women be women, be a stone, and be kind. We learned some of these by experiencing the opposite, but one way or the other, we learned.

Take a minute to read the article.

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Photo credit

Get a Single's Perspective

The May theme is “mothering”, not mothers, not married women, not angel mothers, but mothering meaning caring deeply about another person and wanting to be there for them. Tapping into those feelings of compassion, friendship, and love and belonging that we all need and that we can provide. That is at the heart of what Relief Society is or can be.

So with that in mind I've been looking for insightful writings that will help us all. This one on being single was particularly insightful.

In this post titled All the Single Ladies there are many comments about the ups and downs of being single in the church. It made my heart hurt.

Why aren't we all a little more sensitive to one another, woman to woman, and caring for one another, being the friend or even the mother we all need?

I know that I have (usually innocently) said things that hurt others, without thinking. I could kick myself. This post reminds me, and us, to be more sensitive. Do read the comments too and see a new perspective.

One comment (#28) in particular was very helpful and hopeful. Let me know what you think about the whole Single Ladies comments or about this one in particular.

I was married older than the normal Mormon age. In fact I left BYU *gasp* unmarried. Honestly… husband hunting like all the girls in my freshman year… was so not for me. I was too busy pursuing education for a career. I also found bribing boys with plates of chocolate chip cookies…a bit degrading. I thought the boys should be bringing me cookies. ;-)

When I finally did get married – my hubby and I were in a ward labeled “newlywed” and “nearly dead”. We had a lot of women in the ward who were very young, didn’t graduate school, and had a litter of kids running around. I was working in a career with no kids at the time…and felt completely out of place.

While this doesn’t even compare to the loneliness of being single… I discovered that if I was honest, I felt superior to those women with my degree, my business trips and my freedom sans kids.

At the same time I would complain how they weren’t inclusive, didn’t know what to talk about except diapers, ignorant, etc. etc.

Then I discovered… the tried and true action I have had to repeat over and over… I had to reach out first. Once I started doing that… things opened up…maybe not with everyone, but with a few choice women I still adore.

It doesn’t matter if we’re married, single, widowed, grandmas… we can all get together for girls night out – dinner, movie, book group. I have friends of all ages, sizes, ethnicities and situations in life. I actually prefer people who are not my age, not in my same situations because I am able to learn MORE from them.

Now that I have children, I work hard at making sure my conversations are filled with more than just the stuff of kids. Don’t get me wrong…I can babble all day long about my girls – BUT I also like to talk about other things…and I admit, it is hard to find women like that.

I also think if we’re preoccupied with one aspect of who we are–we lose the opportunity to let ourselves define who we are. Sure I’m a mom, a wife, a friend…yada yada – but I am a woman first…and that means I create who I am, I decide my attitude, my reach or my stumbling blocks.

I’ve moved into wards where no one reaches out… so I find that my role in life is to be that new person that reaches out…and then continue to be the old person that reaches out…it’s my lot in life.

I miss Sheri Dew… I miss the example she was for all of us… not as a single woman – but as a strong woman with purpose, struggles and faith. She’s the kind of woman I want to hang out with…

QueenScarlett

Yes, let's reach out to one another.

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On Being Single in the Church

In our family-oriented church being single can be a challenge. At least one-third of adult Church members are single.

Here are several articles that may help you or a loved one:

Christopher P. Halloran, who was single until he married at age 49:

Finding a compatible spouse is a little miracle and miracles, by definition are beyond our capacity to effect. Have faith, try to behave well, then relax and be open to the miracle.

And remember, too, that the odds are in your favor. p. 30

Read another excerpt and download his free e-book Sailing Single-Handedly, A Navigation Guide for Single Latter-day Saints


Elder Wickham:

Throughout our lives, we face...significant confidence tests.

...These are not so much tests of confidence in oneself but of confidence in what we receive by the Spirit of God. Prophet after prophet has counseled us to remember what we know—to maintain confidence in the Lord.

As he attempted to rekindle faith in his people, Jacob repeatedly declared unto them, “I know that ye know” (2 Nephi 9:4, 5).

Paul was even more direct: “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward” (Hebrews 10:35).

Each of us faces an uncertain future. But when we face it, remembering what we already know, we face it with faith. We face it with good cheer. We face it with confidence.

Confidence Tests, April 2010 Ensign


President Faust:

Please remember that we have all been single, are now single, or at some time may again be single; so being single in the Church is not extraordinary.

...Although many single adult members are well-adjusted to life and its problems, they still need loving attention from the Church and its members to reaffirm their usefulness and the love that God has for each of them.

...What can we do as individuals to reach out to singles? One way is to make an effort to be more inclusive. When we see someone sitting by him or herself in a Church meeting, we can either go and sit with him or her or invite him or her to sit with us. We can all offer the hand of friendship.

...my advice to those of you who are single is to pray often because our Heavenly Father, who knows you best of all, knows your talents and strengths as well as your weaknesses. He has placed you here on the earth at this time to develop and refine these characteristics. I promise you He will help you. He is aware of your needs, and by and by those promised blessings of companionship will come to you.

Welcoming Every Single One, August 2007, Ensign

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Photo credit

Lesson Recap: Rejoice in the Blessings of the Temple

 

We are women
of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:
Rejoice in the blessings of the temple.

We rejoice in...

• The House of the Lord, where he comes, to speak to us 
• A place to take your cares, troubles, important decisions and receive personal guidance
• Continuation of the pattern of temples (tabernacle of Moses, temple of Nephi)
• A fulfillment of scripture and prophecy
• A place of clean-ness
• Knowing we are clean and worthy
• Receiving the ordinances necessary for exaltation
• Learning, knowledge, wisdom
• 3 pillars of eternity: creation, fall, atonement
• The Endowment: instruction on how we should live
• Making covenants to greater commitment
• Being sealed in Celestial marriage
• Future generations born in the covenant as part of an eternal family
• Providing salvation for those who have passed on
• The opportunity to serve God so uniquely
• A reason to overcome difficulty, to maintain strong and vital marriages
• A common goal, being one in purpose
• Strengthened resolve to endure to the end
• Lessening of Satan's power on the earth
• Motivation for our children to live good clean lives
• The gift of perspective on life and eternity, knowing what's important
• Protection from danger
• Enabling power
• Increased meaning when death takes a loved one
• Feeling the Spirit, the joy and happiness, the peace
• Personal sanctification, “peeling away the shell of selfishness”

How to gain more benefit from temple attendance

• Understand the doctrine related to temple ordinances, especially the significance of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
• While participating in temple ordinances, consider your relationship to Jesus Christ and His relationship to our Heavenly Father. This simple act will lead to greater understanding of the supernal nature of the temple ordinances.
• Always prayerfully express gratitude for the incomparable blessings that flow from temple ordinances. Live each day so as to give evidence to Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son of how very much those blessings mean to you.
• Schedule regular visits to the temple.
• Leave sufficient time to be unhurried within the temple walls.
• Rotate activities so that you can participate in all of the ordinances of the temple.
• Remove your watch when you enter a house of the Lord.
• Listen carefully to the presentation of each element of the ordinance with an open mind and heart.
• Be mindful of the individual for whom you are performing the vicarious ordinance. At times pray that he or she will recognize the vital importance of the ordinances and be worthy or prepare to be worthy to benefit from them.
• Recognize that much of the majesty of the sealing ordinance cannot be understood and remembered with one live experience. Substantial subsequent vicarious work permits one to understand much more of what is communicated in the live ordinances.
• Realize that a sealing ordinance is not enduring until after it is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise. Both individuals must be worthy and want the sealing to be eternal.

Sisters, please take the time to reflect on the blessings of the temple in your lives and express your gratitude to Heavenly Father for being born in a time with such wonderful buildings and knowledge are on the earth.

Further study:
Blessings of the Temple, Robert D. Hales, Oct 2009 Ensign
Personal Preparation for Temple Blessings, Russell M Nelson, July 2001 Liahona
Temple Worship: The Source of Strength and Power in Times of Need, Richard G Scott, May 2009 Ensign
Temple topic on LDS.org


Ellen

Lesson Recap: Strengthening Marriages, Families, Homes

Taught by Ellen King

Our lives have meaning, purpose and direction

Ponder the RS Declaration

We have had the guiding influence of the Relief Society Declaration for 10 years now. It is an inspiring document that stands up to the test of good mission statements.

A good mission statement is short, memorable, and contains emotion. Ours is not short but it is easy to hold certain phrases in your mind for a time to ponder them.

Meaning, purpose, and direction...we know who we are, we know why we are here, we know where we are going. Not many women in this world can say that.

Worldwide sisterhood, united in devotion...6 million women, in 170 countries believe this and join with us, women we don’t even know, but share this belief in common.

Our devotion to Jesus Christ...at the center of it all, the very heart. We covenant to keep Him there, to always remember Him.

Faith, virtue, vision and charity...that’s the title of our blog! That faith, virtue, vision, and charity are manifest in 9 ways. They are our faith in action. Beautiful!

Focus on this phrase

We are dedicated to strengthening marriages,
families, and homes.

We - together, as sisterhood. We are not alone, we have each other for support.

Dedicate - give ourselves entirely, give our talent to a good cause, consecrate our time, set apart for sacred use, with whole-hearted fidelity, be devoted to a cause.

Ourselves - in our many roles: daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, student, coworker, or visiting teacher.

Strengthening - to make strong or stronger, reinforce, give added support to, fortify, toughen, bolster, boost, step up, substantiate, confirm.

Sister Julie Beck, the General Relief Society president reminded us,

Our homes need to be strong, secure, and safe havens that protect our families from the storms of life. They must serve as a refuge from the struggles and trials that surround us. We cannot let our homes be weakened or destroyed because of our neglect, indifference, or oversight.

President Monson counseled,

...we should not let [the stress of our lives] get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know.… We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.

Mary Ellen Smoot said in a speech to the World Congress of Families in 1999,

Our homes need to be strong, secure, and safe havens that protect our families from the storms of life. They must serve as a refuge from the struggles and trials that surround us. We cannot let our homes be weakened or destroyed because of our neglect, indifference, or oversight.

The full extent of your influence

President Faust said in 1999 - when the declaration was presented...

You sisters do not know the full extent of your influence. You sisters enrich all of humanity. All human life begins with you. Each woman brings her own separate, unique strengths to the family and the Church. Being a daughter of God means that if you seek it, you can find your true identity. You will know who you are. This will make you free—not free from restraints, but free from doubts, anxieties, or peer pressure. ... It means that you can find strength in the balm of Christ. It will help you meet the heartaches and challenges with faith and serenity.

Sisters, choose one thing to work on this month in this area. Say to yourself every morning, "I am dedicated to strengthening marriages, families, and homes." Hold that thought in your mind and ponder what you can do.

I know you are out there doing your best everyday. And I commend you.

I know that if you turn to Heavenly Father every day he will help you dedicate yourself to strengthening marriages, families, and homes in whatever role and capacity you may have.

I know that the church is true and I'm grateful that our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction.

Sister Ellen King

Criticize Your Spouse Tactfully--And Never in Public

"They're at a party or dinner. The husband starts to tell a joke. The wife immediately snaps, 'Oh, don't tell them that old story.' The husband falls silent with an embarrassed grin.

Or the wife has just made a comment in Sunday School, and the husband says, 'What she meant to say was ... ' and corrects her. She looks abashed ... or angry."

We've all met a married couple like this or have been the one.

Learn 4 important rules of marital manners in this Mormon Times article.