So with that in mind I've been looking for insightful writings that will help us all. This one on being single was particularly insightful.
In this post titled All the Single Ladies there are many comments about the ups and downs of being single in the church. It made my heart hurt.
Why aren't we all a little more sensitive to one another, woman to woman, and caring for one another, being the friend or even the mother we all need?
I know that I have (usually innocently) said things that hurt others, without thinking. I could kick myself. This post reminds me, and us, to be more sensitive. Do read the comments too and see a new perspective.
One comment (#28) in particular was very helpful and hopeful. Let me know what you think about the whole Single Ladies comments or about this one in particular.
I was married older than the normal Mormon age. In fact I left BYU *gasp* unmarried. Honestly… husband hunting like all the girls in my freshman year… was so not for me. I was too busy pursuing education for a career. I also found bribing boys with plates of chocolate chip cookies…a bit degrading. I thought the boys should be bringing me cookies. ;-)Yes, let's reach out to one another.
When I finally did get married – my hubby and I were in a ward labeled “newlywed” and “nearly dead”. We had a lot of women in the ward who were very young, didn’t graduate school, and had a litter of kids running around. I was working in a career with no kids at the time…and felt completely out of place.
While this doesn’t even compare to the loneliness of being single… I discovered that if I was honest, I felt superior to those women with my degree, my business trips and my freedom sans kids.
At the same time I would complain how they weren’t inclusive, didn’t know what to talk about except diapers, ignorant, etc. etc.
Then I discovered… the tried and true action I have had to repeat over and over… I had to reach out first. Once I started doing that… things opened up…maybe not with everyone, but with a few choice women I still adore.
It doesn’t matter if we’re married, single, widowed, grandmas… we can all get together for girls night out – dinner, movie, book group. I have friends of all ages, sizes, ethnicities and situations in life. I actually prefer people who are not my age, not in my same situations because I am able to learn MORE from them.
Now that I have children, I work hard at making sure my conversations are filled with more than just the stuff of kids. Don’t get me wrong…I can babble all day long about my girls – BUT I also like to talk about other things…and I admit, it is hard to find women like that.
I also think if we’re preoccupied with one aspect of who we are–we lose the opportunity to let ourselves define who we are. Sure I’m a mom, a wife, a friend…yada yada – but I am a woman first…and that means I create who I am, I decide my attitude, my reach or my stumbling blocks.
I’ve moved into wards where no one reaches out… so I find that my role in life is to be that new person that reaches out…and then continue to be the old person that reaches out…it’s my lot in life.
I miss Sheri Dew… I miss the example she was for all of us… not as a single woman – but as a strong woman with purpose, struggles and faith. She’s the kind of woman I want to hang out with…