Resolving Conflict

The following is my lesson given at our RS activity on 9/18/2012.

Aside from simplistic problems,
no real progress or change happens 

without conflict.

Introduction

 

This week was a hard week because I’ve had more conflict than usual. Or, maybe I just noticed it more because I’ve been preparing this lesson: A disagreement with my husband with required an apology, a conflict with a coworker resolved by a private talk with honest, non-accusatory sharing, and observing a conflict between a married couple requiring only a validating listening ear with no advice giving.

What kinds of conflict do we have in our lives?

 

Marriage: Money attitudes, info sharing or withholding,  household duties/chores and level of effort, parenting differences, scheduling, having enough me-time to recharge, how differences are resolved.

Also these myths persist, “I never saw my parents argue,” “we should sleep on it,” “ you should never fight in front of the children,” “keep the peace at all costs”.  These are myths in my mind...when two people live together they have differences. By the way, if you do fight in front of the children also show them how you resolve it. Sometimes a good night's sleep brings perspective. Keeping the peace at all costs means one of you is being repressed and backing down all the time.

Children/Family: Whining, tantrums, grocery store begging, cleaning/chores resistance, homework resistance, scheduling, practicing piano or sport. “But so-an-so’s mother lets her do this”, “I don’t want to go to church”, “I hate being with my family”.

Work: Backbiting, gossiping, undermining, taking credit for your work, salary, hours, work/life balance, differences of opinion

Ward: Someone doesn’t show up or follow through, a ward member’s child and your child conflict, parenting styles, a judging remark overheard, differences of opinion.

The point: There are as many conflicts as there are people. Some small, some large. Some silly, some very important. Look for patterns in your life. Keep reading for ideas about how to resolve.

Why do we avoid conflict, how do we avoid conflict?

 

Is just talking about this making your stomach tight, your breathing faster, your face red? Are you cringing, is your skin crawling, are you feeling angry or anxious or depressed?

We avoid conflict, because it just plain doesn’t feel good. We handle it by...

• Passive aggressiveness or being sarcastic. “Gee, looks like garbage didn’t get put out today.”
• Resentment build-up. “I don’t know why he keeps saying that over and over again.”
• Coercion, bullying, threatening. “If you don’t do something about this I will.”
• Bribing, promising. “If you’ll eat two more bites of vegetables, you can have a cookie.”
• Hurt or get hurt. “This is your fault. You are the cause of all my unhappiness.”

It’s not good behavior. It’s not strengthening relationships. Sometimes we just don’t know what to do.

A word of caution: Avoiding conflict for a long time, using control and coercion, or playing the victim can lead to codependence—a pattern of unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. Don’t let conflict fester or go un-handled. Value yourself and your self-care.

There are healthier ways to handle conflict

 

A. Perspective. Look at it another way.

1. Quote from my reading this week:

 “Aside from simplistic problems (for which there is already a solution), no real progress or change happens without conflict.”


   
   Do you believe it? Does that idea help you? 

When you have conflict, look for the growth and progress. Focus on that outcome.
2. Remember the connection between weakness, faith and hope. In Ether 12: 27 it says, 1 min.

27 And if men [and women] come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men [and women] weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all [women] that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.


   
   This gives us perspective. Have more faith and hope. Our weaknesses can be come strengths. Our loved ones weaknesses can become strengths.
3. Look for the underlying need. Usually there is something more underlying a conflict: pride, fear, sadness, desire for love, on your part or the other person. Stop and look for the underlying need.

Get a new perspective. Trust that you can resolve it, that healing can come, that the power of God can help make weaknesses become strengths. Look for the underlying cause.

B. Prayer. Get advice from an all-knowing, loving father.

1. 

Jeremiah 33:3 - “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”


2. D&C 6:36 - “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.”


3. Romans 8:28 - “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.”



Prayer is a powerful way to resolve conflict. 

Pray very specific prayers for a very specific moment. Then listen intently over hours or days or weeks. 



Have you had an experience where prayer has helped you resolve a conflict?

C. Scripture study. Discover how Jesus and other prophets resolve conflict through scripture study. You can get your answers from the scriptures.

Let’s look at a 3 minute video of John 8:2-11 and see what we can learn.

Jesus was teaching in the temple. The Pharisees come to trap him. He has a crowd who now have an object lesson in front of them. A teaching moment. He has 3 audiences: followers learning from his example, adversaries seeking to trap him, and a sinner who has done wrong. What will he say?

Just as in other parables, we could put ourselves in all three places, such as the Prodigal son, the father, the brother; or Mary or Martha; or the good Samaritan, the injured man, the priest who passes by.

Put yourself in each place as you watch.



First, as Jesus

What did he do?
   

• He assesses the people involved.
• He listens.
• He thinks about it, with patience, doesn’t rush.
• Let the heat of the moment pass.
• He chooses his words carefully.
• He ends it with love and mercy.
• Teaches a lesson on forgiveness, judging.

Stooping, writing...why?

• Calmed himself
• Choose his words
• Listen to the spirit
• Let His AND their emotions dissipate
• Not just to aggravate

“Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”

• He sought teaching words of wisdom.
• Can we seek for words of wisdom that shed light on a truth?

• Does not mean that only people wholly without sin can impose penalties.
• Does mean that these men were actually or in their hearts guilty of the same offense. And Jesus knew it.

Apply: Handle tattling, gossiping, judging. Could apply to accusers when we know they are guilty too.


Now the Pharisees

What can we learn from them? What do we know about them? How were they trying to trap Him? To tempt Him?

• They wanted prove their authority and power, their worthiness, to establish themselves
• They wanted to discredit Jesus and his proclaimed origin.
• They wanted to see if he would uphold the accepted Law of Moses or contradict. The Law of Moses penalty of stoning was no longer in effect. Roman rule had ended that. Adultery was common in that time. If Jesus agreed, he would arouse ire in the people and run counter to Roman civil law. If he disagreed he would be accused of perverting the law, disrespecting past practices and favoring her crime.
• They wanted to accuse him of taking on himself the power over life or death.

Why would they want her death?
 

Adultery is one of the worst sins you could commit as a Jew. The penalty was death. But they didn’t care about her, only about being right. Do we sometimes want the worst for our opponent? Why?

“Let him who is without sin [the same kind of sin] cast the first stone.”

Are there any of us who don’t sin? What about when we are truly wronged? Why do these discussions always come back to us?

• We can’t control another, nor should we.
• We can’t change another. We can only change ourselves.
• We don’t want to be judged as harshly as we judge. Let’s watch our judgements.
• Let our judgements be just.
• We don’t want to be found casting stones.
•  (Casting a stone...footnote to Gossip in the topical guide.)

Why did they withdraw? Convicted of their own conscience… we know better don’t we? Do we listen to it? In conflict we think we are wronged and we are owed and we are right. Pride.

Apply: Stop to evaluate our own behavior, our part in it, our underlying motives.

Last, the woman

What do we know about her?
Caught in the very act...were they lying in wait, perhaps involved themselves?

Where is the man who was with her? Is that important in the story?

Why would Jesus ask her “hath no man condemned thee” when he could see they had left?

Neither do I condemn thee...did He forgive her or not?

• Not pardoning or condoning. He merely declines to act as Judge in a case that should go     before officials.
• I do not condemn thee...to death.
• He does admonish her to repentance.
• He showed mercy even though she was caught and a punishment affixed.
• He was teaching a new way.
• He gave her space and instruction to change her life.

In the Joseph Smith Translation it implies that she sought repentance, “And the woman glorified God from that hour, and believed on his name.” Her life was changed.

Apply: When we are caught in sin, do we not hope for Him to see past the stain of our sin, to give us hope that all is not lost, to warm us with his light and guide us back to confidence and righteousness?

The point: 

This situation won’t apply to every conflict. But it’s an example of how the scriptures can help us in our real everyday lives.

Ask yourself questions as you read the scriptures and you will find answers to everyday problems and conflicts.

What we just did was what I call "scripture capturing". Take a scripture or story. Write it down, ask yourselves questions and answer them. Put yourself or your name in the scripture. Insight will come and you will have made it your own, “captured” it.

For more insights and study read the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5.

More, practical, everyday ideas

 

Handout: Things that work for me
20 Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great
Overcoming Differences of Opinion: 
A Formula for Finding Unity in Marriage
7 Tips for Handling Criticism

Conclusion

 

One of the main purposes of this life is to learn to love—God, ourselves and others. Think of the first two commandments, thou shalt love the Lord thy God, and thy neighbor as thyself.

He wants us to learn to love unconditionally as He does. For his love never fails.

How do we do that?

Jeffrey R. Holland tells us in this video, with “Care and sensitivity. Think the best of each other. Especially of those you say you love. Assume the good, and doubt the bad.”



Let's resolve to handle conflict resolution sooner than later and with love.

Ellen

Earnest Prayer

"Access to our Creator through our Savior is surely one of the great privileges and blessings of our lives." ~James E. Faust

A friend shared this BYU Devotional talk with me and I pass it on to you. It's by Marilyn Barrett, Earnest Prayer, June 6, 2010.

A few key suggestions for more earnest prayer, among many from her talk:

• Kneel.
• Prayer aloud.
• Pray for others by name.
• Earnest prayer changes the one who is praying. 
• Using reverent language

http://byutv.org/watch/047497c5-c996-479f-8223-010eb7773351

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Owenna,

Thank you for your preparation that went into today's lesson and for inviting the spirit to teach us. I felt edified and enjoyed the time learning together as sisters. 

I found the article (from the New Era) that I referred to during the lesson and wanted to share it with you as it explains precisely what I was clumsily trying to say.

Sarah Kinghorn

Wrong roads and revelation

“The Lord has taught us an important lesson today. Because we were prompted to take the road to the left, we quickly discovered which one was the right one. When we turned around and got on the right road, I was able to travel along its many unfamiliar twists and turnoffs perfectly confident I was headed in the right direction.

“If we had started on the right road, we might have driven for 30 minutes or so, become uneasy with the unfamiliar surroundings, and been tempted to turn back. If we had done that, we would have discovered the dead-end so late that it would have been too dark to find our way back in totally unfamiliar territory.”

I understood and have never forgotten the lesson my Heavenly Father and earthly father taught me that afternoon. Sometimes in response to prayers, the Lord may guide us down what seems to be the wrong road—or at least a road we don’t understand—so, in due time, He can get us firmly and without question on the right road. Of course, He would never lead us down a path of sin, but He might lead us down a road of valuable experience. Sometimes in our journey through life we can get from point A to point C only by taking a short side road to point B. We had prayed that we could make it safely home that day, and we did.

Thanks for sharing this Sarah.

Pics from RS Meeting

Melanie taught the first section on what is 

Essential, Necessary and Nice-to-do in our lives.

Charity taught the second section on how 

we can fortify our families, 

using the example of Moroni from the Book of Mormon.

Elizabeth reminded us that we are to

provide a safety net for each other in our lives 

as we try to balance all the good things that we need to do.

The evening ended with yummy strawberry shortcake. 

Thanks to Charity and all the RS board 

for making it such a nice evening.

Sister Beck's talk reminded us that 

we each need to be in tune with Spirit so we can 

know how to increase in faith and righteousness, 

strengthen home and family, and seek out and help those in need.

(Listen to the talk given by Julie S. Beck
titled “Faith and Values” to review what you heard here tonight.)

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Lesson Recap: Prayer

Gospel Principles, Lesson 8

Praying to Our Heavenly Father

Taught by Ellen King

A review

Prayer is…a sincere heartfelt talk with our Heavenly Father.

Elder Richard G Scott in a talk titled The Supernal Gift of Prayer, given in April Conference 2007 said:

We pray to our Heavenly Father in the sacred name of His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ. Prayer is most effective when we strive to be clean and obedient, with worthy motives, and are willing to do what He asks. Humble, trusting prayer brings direction and peace. 

Don’t worry about your clumsily expressed feelings. Just talk to your compassionate, understanding Father. You are His precious child whom He loves perfectly and wants to help. As you pray, recognize that Father in Heaven is near and He is listening.

We pray to God the Father and no one else.

3 Nephi 18:19-20 - Therefore ye must always pray unto the Father in my name; And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.

We pray in the name of Jesus Christ because he is our mediator and advocate with the Father.

1 Tim. 2: 5 -  For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

Why do we pray?

• Commanded since Adam and Eve
• To draw closer to God
• That our thoughts, words, actions may be righteous
• For strength to live the gospel, to stay on path
• To overcome temptations
• To confess sins, seek forgiveness
• For guidance
• For others - families, friends, neighbors, crops, animals, daily work
• Protection from enemies
• To express our love to Him
• To thank Him, praise

Cookie Cutters

Do you feel like your prayers aren’t drawing you closer to God? Are you still giving simple Primary-like prayers?  It’s easy to let our prayers become cookie cutter prayers..the same every time and predictable.

How can we improve our prayers? What do you do to add more power to our prayers?

Here are a few ideas that work for me, even though I don’t do these all the time:

1. Kneeling: a physical act of humbling myself, putting myself in a position of complete vulnerability, a metaphor for submitting my will to Him.
2. Speaking aloud: Formulating the words and hearing them with my own ears is strengthening and also teaches me about what to pray for.
3. Making a list of specific names and needs: This is powerful.
4. Praying whenever and however we need to...sparrow prayers (Matt 10 - even a sparrow shall not fall to the ground without your Father) ...at church, at home, while walking, while working, fixing dinner. This is part of the “always remember Him” covenant we make.
5. Fasting: Every time I feel I hunger pain I’m reminded to pray about my purpose.
6. NOTICE the answers and give thanks: Shirley has taught me to praise God more. When she feels a blessing in her life she says “God is good.” Let’s you and I say that more when we feel and see the tender mercies in our lives.
7. Let thy will be my will. When my whining and selfishness get in the way I lose my way.

Elder Scott speaks of this key:

A key to improved prayer is to learn to ask the right questions. Consider changing from asking for the things you want to honestly seeking what He wants for you. Then as you learn His will, pray that you will be led to have the strength to fulfill it.

How are prayers answered?
The manual says: (p. 37) Our sincere prayers are always answered. Sometimes the answer may be no, because what we have asked for would not be best for us. Sometimes the answer is yes, and we have a warm, comfortable feeling about what we should do (see D&C 9:8–9). Sometimes the answer is “wait a while.” Our prayers are always answered at a time and in a way that the Lord knows will help us the most.

But it’s more complicated than that, isn’t it?!

I guarantee that some reading this today are thinking why does she pray for x...a job, a house, a baby and gets it and I don’t? Why is her child, mother, husband healed and mine not? Why does she pray when she’s lonely and her neighbor, visiting teacher, or friend call or show up and mine doesn’t? Why does she find her keys, her wallet, her child in danger and I don’t/didn’t?

I think the point here is that just as we are individuals, answers to prayers are very individual. How we speak to God and how he speaks to us may not be the same as for others.

Elder Scott says…

Often when we pray for help with a significant matter, Heavenly Father will give us gentle promptings that require us to think, exercise faith, work, at times struggle, then act. It is a step-by-step process that enables us to discern inspired answers.

I have discovered that what sometimes seems an impenetrable barrier to communication is a giant step to be taken in trust. Seldom will you receive a complete response all at once. It will come a piece at a time, in packets, so that you will grow in capacity.

As each piece is followed in faith, you will be led to other portions until you have the whole answer. That pattern requires you to exercise faith in our Father’s capacity to respond. While sometimes it’s very hard, it results in significant personal growth.

Heavenly Father teaches us general principles and adapts his tutoring to our own individual hearts and circumstances.

It’s important figure it out for ourselves, with the help of patterns that emerge from other’s experiences.

When I feel that prayer is not working for me, I remember that these are some of the answers I get. If you are struggling with a particular issue right now, one of these may apply. Think about your prayers lately.

It’s not time.
It’s not good for you.
They have their agency.
You haven’t studied it out.
You need to grow, to learn more.
You are not asking for the right thing.
You don’t see the big picture and I do.
I’ve already told you the answer.
I tell you often in small ways you don’t recognize.
You need to repent of a sin.
You are too distracted to see.
There is too much noise in your life.
Your heart, sincerity, or faith is missing.
You have yet to surrender your will to me.
You hear me but you don’t do as I direct.
Your pride gets in the way.
You don’t come to me often enough.
You need to fast first.
You need to put off the selfish natural woman.
You’re not specific enough.
My grace is sufficient.
Relax, all things will work together for your good.

Now please, don’t misunderstand. He’s not saying I can’t hear you or you’re not good enough. He’s saying I love you, I know you. I want you to grow. I’m in charge here. Trust me, repent and come unto me and it will be enough. Don’t give up.

Listen to these words from Elder Scott. Listen for the reassurances.

Should you ever feel distanced from our Father, it could be for many reasons. Whatever the cause, as you continue to plead for help, He will guide you to do that which will restore your confidence that He is near….

Often when we pray for help with a significant matter, Heavenly Father will give us gentle promptings that require us to think, exercise faith, work, at times struggle, then act. It is a step-by-step process that enables us to discern inspired answers….

He will always hear your prayers and will invariably answer them. However, His answers will seldom come while you are on your knees praying, even when you may plead for an immediate response. Rather, He will prompt you in quiet moments when the Spirit can most effectively touch your mind and heart. Hence, you should find periods of quiet time to recognize when you are being instructed and strengthened. His pattern causes you to grow.

Did you catch it...
He will guide you.
Have confidence.
He is near.
He always hears your prayers.
He will prompt you in quiet moments.

This scripture in Psalms 46:10 is often the answer to my prayers:
“Be still and know that I am God.”

Instruction from your Relief Society presidency
Our focus is on love, unity, and friendship. The first Sunday of every month is a time for instruction regarding our sacred duties as members of the Relief Society. So in thinking about prayer we'd like to ask:

1. Pray for greater love and unity in our ward. Seek for what you can do personally and in your calling.

2. Regarding Visiting Teaching and prayer

   - Pray every day for your sisters, by name, in your individual prayers and when appropriate in your family prayers. Let your, and your family’s, faith add power to your prayers. Listen for inspiration to come regarding a sister.
   - Pray together as a partnership, before visiting, for each sister individually and the specific needs she may have.
   - Bring the Spirit into her home by teaching the gospel and giving the message, don’t just show up and chat.
   - Ask to pray before leaving, if it feels right. It is not required. But do it as often as you can.
   - Let her choose who prays.
   - Pray specifically for the needs you heard while there, bless her home with love and unity.
   - As a sister visited, ask your visiting teachers to fast and pray with you for specific needs. You may put your name in the temple and have faithful strangers pray for you, but you may also ask two friends to pray for you.

Remember this

We learn to pray by praying. One can devote countless hours to examining the experiences of others, but nothing penetrates the human heart as does a personal, fervent prayer and its heaven-sent response.
~President Thomas S. Monson, Oct. 2004

Alma 37: 37 - Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

Additional reading, well-worth the time: BYU Devotional regarding prayer, by Cynthia Compton. She explores two ideas about conversing with God: experimenting with the requests we make and using our prayers to consecrate.

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Photo credit

Faith in the Lord is trust in the Lord. 

We cannot have true faith in the Lord 

without also having complete trust 

in the Lord’s will 

and in the Lord’s timing. 

As a result, 

no matter how strong our faith is, 

it cannot produce a result contrary 

to the will of Him in whom we have faith. 

Remember that when your prayers 

do not seem to be answered 

in the way 

or at the time 

you desire. 

The exercise of faith 

in the Lord Jesus Christ 

is always subject to the order of heaven, 

to the goodness 

and will 

and wisdom 

and timing of the Lord. 

When we have that kind 

of faith 

and trust 

in the Lord, 

we have true security and serenity in our lives.

—Dallin H. Oaks, The Atonement and Faith, Ensign, Apr 2010, 30–34

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Video: Prayer

Learn from a humble woman's example how the power of prayer can work miracles in our lives.



To learn more, read President Thomas S. Monson's address

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First Presidency: Help People of Haiti

The First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints appealed today to the worldwide membership of the Church to help relieve the suffering in Haiti. See official statement.

Many Church members have made substantial contributions to Church Humanitarian Services, but more is needed.

Church members and others wishing to contribute to the aid efforts may do so by  using the Donation Slip they normally use for Church donations or by logging onto lds.org and clicking on Humanitarian Services Emergency Response.

“Money is not the only need in Haiti,” the statement continued. “People are frightened, bewildered, and wholly uncertain about their future. In addition to what people can do in helping with food, water and shelter, there needs to be a calming influence over that troubled nation. We invite people everywhere to supplicate God for a spirit of calm and peace among the people.”

 
Read full article:
First Presidency Appeals to Church Members to Help People in Haiti

See news release, including more photos:
Despite Challenges, Church Aid Reaching Needy; More Is on the Way

Ellen

The Power of Hope

See more videos like this at the Mormon Messages Channel on YouTube.

Lesson Recap: Sustaining the Priesthood

Sustaining the Priesthood as the authority of God on the earth.

Taught by Nancy Martin

Growing up in Utah County Nancy had to the opportunity to visit Timpanogus Cave. At some point in the middle of the tour the guide would ask everyone to notice the exit and entrance, Then they would turn the lights off. In the pitch dark, again they would ask everyone to point to the exit and entrance. When the lights were turned on again it was surprising the many different directions fingers were pointing.

The priesthood can be compared to a flashlight. It keeps us safely on the path, helping us and others return to God.

We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity...
“...who sustain the Priesthood as the authority of God on the earth.”

Why was that statement included in the Relief Society declaration?

It's a truth that a house divided against itself cannot stand. As members of the church we are here to be one in purpose and progress under God's direction with the administration of saving Priesthood ordinances, and in blessing the lives of others.

D&C 121:36 states, “That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.”

That power can be felt in our lives.

Sustaining
Perhaps the batteries can be compared with the worthiness necessary for men to exercise the Priesthood. We as sisters and fellow saints can do much to sustain and support those who hold the Priesthood, to encourage their worthiness, to “charge their batteries”.

How do we sustain our brethren who hold the priesthood?

Suggestions given by the class include showing gratitude for their service, for their worthiness, for the power of God in our lives. It's especially important that we not be critical. Prayer is also a powerful way to support and sustain one another in callings, as husbands are away from the family, and in behalf of our leaders. We can notice our husband's and son's good efforts, express confidence in them, make it easy for them to serve and be appreciative.

His power is available to all
All sisters have equal claim to the blessings of the Priesthood as the men. We can receive all saving ordinances of the Gospel. We can serve faithfully in church callings and leadership positions. We can receive blessings of comfort and healing.

Men and women can influence one another “only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile” (D&C 121:41-42).

If men of the Priesthood and the women that support them are “full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish [their] thoughts unceasingly; then shall [their] confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon the soul as the dews from heaven” (D&C 121: 45).

Thanks Nancy for your lesson, today.

Ellen



Photo credit

More Conference Thoughts

As I look back over the past two days I see a couple threads running through. 

Love, live what you believe, understand and use the Holy Ghost. 

What stood out to you?

The sessions can be viewed at LDS.org, if you missed any, including the Priesthood session.

***Don't miss Elder Holland's powerful testimony of the Book of Mormon on Sunday afternoon. It was so sincere and forceful that it brought tears to my eyes and a strong witness of the Spirit. Again, powerful.



Saturday pm
Elder Oakes - God's love and God's law
His love is so perfect that He gave His commandments,
so that we could become perfect like Him.
This talk deserves further study. It follows on so logically.

Elder Hales - God and His Son Jesus Christ live
Your personal knowledge of God is not only the greatest gift
you’ve been given, it will bring you the greatest joy in your life.
Believe in God. The Spirit will witness.

Elder Zeballos - Do the best you can
With faith, dedication, responsibility, and love do all we can
to achieve perfection though it appears impossible. He will help.
He wants us to serve with heart, mind, might and strength.

Elder Callister - 4 great truths from Joseph Smith
The gospel is like a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle with 100 pieces in place
then Joseph came along and put the other 900 pieces in place.
An unusual format using questions to prove out Joseph's work.

Elder Watson - Temperance
Temperance is more than exercising restraint in food and drink,
it is a divine attribute of Jesus Christ, a spiritual gift from the Holy Ghost.
Counter to the mode of operation today: indulging in ourselves to excess.

Elder Andersen - Repentance brings the Lord's love into our lives
Come unto him and spiritually be wrapped in his arms.
Humbly petition for what we should do, the changes we should make.
Relief will come in the timetable of the Lord.

Elder Packer - (from his seat, anybody know why?) The Holy Ghost, How It Works
None of us are left alone. The gift of the Holy Ghost operates
for men, women, and children. Prayer is your personal key to heaven.
Loved his suggestion to create a delete key to use to resist temptation.


Sunday am
President Eyring - We must expect to become better
We will all meet the Savior, we must prepare.
Through living the gospel we can become like the Savior.
(Didn't catch all of this, darnit. When one watches at home I guess one should expect to lose the internet connection at least once.)

Elder Perry -
The pioneers faced their uncertain future knowing the truths of the gospel.
Through missionary work we can help others face the future.
Didn't catch all of this talk either. Add your synopsis in the comments.

Elder Burton - Living with virtue
Virtuous traits must never be forgotten or set aside.
If lost, families will be weakened, faith will be softened, important
relationships will be jeopardized.
Integrity and spirituality are interconnected!

Sister Dibb - Get a grip
We live in scary times, with challenges and dangers.
Invited to get a grip: hold to the iron rod and never let go.
She is over the top with her affectation, but at least she’s got some personality.

Elder Nelson - Access to personal revelation
We can access info from heaven without hardware, software or monthly service fees.
One of the Lord's most marvelous gifts—prayer.
Revelation need not come all at once, but incrementally

Love the song Love Is Spoken Here. This was beautiful.

President Monson - Do something for someone today
Those who live only for themselves shrivel up, lose their lives.
Those who live to serve others grow and flourish, save their lives.
Ask yourselves...what good have I done in the world today?

Hymn - Have I Done Any Good in the World Today - beautiful arrangement. I love this version. Should replace the original hymn.

The choir is sounding like one voice lately. All their efforts to improve over the last few years is showing.

I think some of the most interesting parts of conference are the coming and going. Seeing people greet one another, more natural, more authentic. [That’s my touchstone this year, authenticity. I think we all crave authentic relationships, interactions, advertising, customer service etc. That’s why Facebook and Twitter are so appealing (though not totally authentic, unfortunately).]

Ah, they’re waving at President and Sister Monson.

Ah, love the commercials they show after conference. Feel good ads, cute (though not authentic, darn).


Sunday pm
Elder Holland - Testimony and witness of the Book of Mormon
Find the fullest measure of peace or comfort by embracing
the Book of Mormon and He of whom it testifies.
His powerful testimony of the Book of Mormon brought tears to my eyes. Wow, was he ever adamant.

Elder Cook - Accountability to fellowman
We have a feeling of accountability for our fellowmen because we love
and want to please our Father in Heaven.
God wants us to love and care for each other.

Elder Nielson - Go forth and preach to all nations
The Savior’s call is to you of the rising generation; heed the prophet's voice.
You are called to go this last time. There is not greater work, no greater call.
Testified of how in his life he has seen the fulfillment of the prophecies and President Kimball's call to lengthen our stride in the 70's.

Elder Renlund - Change of heart
Examine your changed heart. Can you feel so now? Becoming casual
with prayers and scripture study, a changed heart will turn to stone.
Prayer, scriptures, church. The fire of testimony can burn again.

Elder Ringwood - An easiness and willingness to believe
An easiness and willingness to believe the word of God comes from
a softness of heart, which comes from the daily living of the gospel.
Periods of intense change and trials keep my heart soft.

Elder Sitati (black man) - New pioneers keeping covenants
I have lived to see good fruit of gospel bless Africa. 300,000 saints.
A new celestial culture is growing in homes and families, scriptures and FHE.
How blessed we are to have the gospel in these last days.

Elder Christofferson - Moral discipline
Moral agency must be accompanied by moral discipline;
consistently choosing right because it is right.
The intelligent use of agency requires the knowledge of the truth.

President Monson
"Love and prayers for you. Remember me, and those who serve with me, in your prayers." We are all in this together. We all have a part to play. 

Thanks for letting me indulge in notetaking here in the blog. I found that I fully absorbed and processed so much more of conference knowing I would record a bit of it here. This, rather than doing some chore or handiwork, kept me engaged and participating.


Ellen

Thoughts from Conference

Here it is Saturday afternoon and I'm listening to the first session of conference. A few notes and thoughts follow.

President Monson
•  87% of the members of the church live within 200 miles of a temple. That's amazing to me.
•  130 temples in operation, 16 announced or under construction
•  5 new temples: Brigham City, Argentina, Brazil, Ft Lauderdale (I'll bet Daniel is cheering), Japan

2 talks about the Spirit, 1 on burdens, 1 on teaching, 2 on love.

Elder Scott - Understanding and Becoming Confident in the Spirit

Of more necessity to be lead by the Spirit more than ever in our lives.

No formula. Learn how by exercising faith in Jesus Christ.

Essential personal growth comes from the struggle to learn how to recognize spiritual promptings. (Can't just have it handed to us.)

Confidence comes from experience. (in this and all things)

Inspiration to know and power to do.

Write down the impressions as accurately as possible. Study the application to you. Pray for confirmation from the Spirit. Ask “yet more to come?” Repeat the process of receiving, writing, study, prayer.

One great barrier to feeling the Spirit
Pornography is one of the most damning influences on earth. It is overpoweringly addicting and severely damaging. It degrades mind, heart and soul. The addiction cannot be overcome without help. Wow, he powerfully and clearly witnesses to the damage that comes.

Elder Scott witnessed that "as you pray with fervor, humility, gratitude, you can learn to be consistently guided by Spirit in all aspects of your life."

Sister Matsumori - Guided by the Spirit

We can help children and others understand the doctrine when we share our testimony of the influence of the Holy Ghost in our lives.

"I had hoped to feel different after baptism, but didn’t until I heard a brother bear a testimony of the Spirit."

Places: Testimony meeting, conference, temple. In our homes when pray and read scriptures. At church weekly.

We also need a time of quiet. “Be still and know that I am God”

Elder L. Whitney Clayton - Burdens

People struggle every day under burdens that tax their souls. Some for years.

Burdens come from:

1. Natural product of world - illness, hurricanes, earthquakes
2. Imposed by misconduct of others - abuse, addictions, sin, repression, crime, incorrect traditions, gossip, unkindness
3. Our own weaknesses, mistakes, and sin
   

We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father. Our unique experiences can help us prepare to return to Him. He knows us and our personal needs and ways of growth.

We must do everything we can to bear our burdens well for however long they last.

Burdens invite us to yield to the enticings of the Spirit and become as child. Thus they become blessings, though well-disguised. so well put

We can develop a reservoir of experience and compassion.

Keeping baptism covenant helps us bear our burdens as well as others. a double blessing

The Savior said that doing it unto the least is doing it unto me.

Savior offers support and sometimes deliverance in His time.

The Savior offers mercy. He, only one

As we keep commandments, He helps us with our burdens, strengthens, blesses with peace and joy.

Elder Russell Osguthorpe - Teaching Helps Saves Lives

Missionary work and other teaching is to help save lives, spiritual lives.

The truth saves us if we receive it and act upon it.

Effective teaching
1. Key doctrine
2. Invitation to action
3. Receive promised blessing

All parents and teachers are teaching future leaders of the church.

Can you think of time when teachers have "saved your life".

Elder David Bednar - More Diligent and Concerned at Home

1. Express love and show it. Tell of our love every day to spouse, children, parents. Consistently say and show. Thoughts, words and deed.

Do more of what we know is right, and do better.

Feeling the security and constancy of love is a blessing. The desire of every human soul.

2. Bear testimony and live it. To those we love of the things we know are true. With spouse, children, parents. What we know is not always reflected in what we do. It’s only a beginning - know it, bear it, live it. Create opportunities.

Feeling the power and edification is a blessing. Fortifies faith, light in dark, eternal perspective and enduring peace.

Love how each point parallels the others by the exact same language. Clever to reinforce by repetition.

3. Be consistent. Whatever our children remember it's that we were consistent. No specific prayer or lesson. At this point in my life, I agree with this thought. Consistency is more important than big vacations or other memory-making occasions. Wish we had been more consistent.

Be consistent in seemingly small things, proceedeth that which is great.

Publicly declaring love, and testimony and not living it at home is hypocrisy. Wow, such strong, clear language from a prophet.

Reduce the disparity between what we say and what we do.

Be more faithful in learning and living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Be more consistent in the seemingly small things that matter so much.

Elder Uchtdorf - Let Us Be Known For Love

Church is growing and is better known throughout the world. What attributes do we want to be known for?

Our constant compass to help us prioritize, life, thoughts, actions IS love the Lord thy God first, then love our neighbor. Nice to have it pointed out so explicitly.

Love ought to be at the center of our lives.

It heals rifts, unites families, communities, nations. It's the basis for friendship, tolerance, humility and respect. It overcomes hate. It powers lives with hope. Such powerful promised blessings.

Love should be our walk and our talk. Another reference to hypocrisy. Perhaps we should look more closely at our lives.

As His children we have a vast capacity to love.

It defines our discipleship.

“We love him because he first loved us.”

If we draw near to him, he can draw near to us.

God is love. The closer we approach him the more profoundly we feel his love.

Don't get discouraged, if you stumble. The first step is to try...to believe, to study, to learn, to do. Keep on trying.

Love is the guiding light that fills the disciple's path. Nice metaphor

Let us be known as a people who love God with all our heart soul and mind and our neighbor as ourselves.


Wonderful words from our prophets! Some rebuking, some reminding, some reassuring.

(Okay so what's with the make-up? Did it look dark to you? Even the choir members?)

Hope you enjoyed the session as much as I did. Now off to the grocery store.

Ellen

The Gospel in Action: The Test

By Sara Fultz, Guest Blogger

D&C 88:58: And thus they all received the light of the countenance of their lord, every man in his hour, and in his time, and in his season . . .

The experience has been brought to my remembrance several times in the last week or two. Random conversations, starting out only as “small talk”, evolve into this one memory.

Back in my college days, I studied Mathematics and Art. I was intent on doubling my major, because I’m an overachiever; a running-faster-than-you-have-strength-type of woman.

Math was never a strength of mine. I can remember a time when I sat, in elementary school, learning long hand division.

Hiding my face, hovering low over my paper and crying tears I was too embarrassed to show, because it seemed to me that all of the other kids were brilliant, but not me. It wasn’t until high school Geometry, that something clicked. Something made sense, and I decided that I wanted to be a Math teacher.

That’s the overachiever part of me.

A few years later, I confidently started my degree in Math! To my shocking surprise, my junior year brought long, hard nights full of advanced calculus—proofs, theory, math . . . in words!

Once again, I hung my head low, after reading and rereading chapter upon chapter. I prayed, I cried, I read, I searched, I prayed, I cried, I doubted, I cried, and after a long several days of the same obnoxious cycle, I prayed and . . . I slept.

The night before a test and after a vicious aforementioned cycle, I had a dream.

All of the knowledge I had crammed into my imperfect brain, began to be reorganized to provide a clearer understanding. The one problem I was completely distraught over was literally written out on paper. Not by my hand, nor by a hand visible to my mortal eye, but by the Hand that could be directed by perfect knowledge and understanding. I watched, step by step, through hazy vision, the process come to light.

The next morning I awoke, in awe over the dream I had. I tried to write it on paper, but it wouldn’t come out so clearly. I walked to class, with another prayer in my heart, to have the ability to write my proofs with ease, for the dreaded test.

I sat down, read the questions, and in the very hour, when I needed the knowledge, the words and images came to mind. I knew exactly what to write, it was logical to me, and my hand scripted every last thought. I handed over my test, walked out of the room, knew it wasn’t perfect, but it was given to me, in the very hour that I needed, after my long effortful prayers of faith.

Looking back, that experience of foreign math concepts and theories is still mind boggling to me, but was just a primary lesson in trusting the Lord.

As times get harder, may we remember to put our trust in the Lord, and be blessed to see His hand directing us in all things. Even when there may never be a completely clear understanding, He will guide and comfort us through our Test. When we hand it over (our Test, or life) it may not be perfect, but it will have been guided by Him.

Sara Fultz

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